You gave me a rose
I gave it some water
It sat there for days
I watched it wither
It blackened and the petals fell
It began to smell putrid
I reached out
I threw it in the trash
I looked at you,
Shoulders drooping, breath sighing
I showered you with all I had
But your happy gaze withered
What we had blackened as tears fell
It began to feel awkward
I reached through the stale air
. . . I threw it in the trash
Author notes
How does the metaphor work when twisted into a negative? how does this make you feel about the ideals represented?
what do you think about the language and the use of realism to show the situation?
Comments
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hmm interesting one hunni, i like the rose thing in comparison to the broken relationship espeically as someone usually gives you a rose because they love you, well that and its a symbol of love isnt too, so interesting that you would show that wilting as a relflection of the relationship. me likies xxx
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Interesting. Not sure what you mean by twisting it into a negative. It was negative before with the rose withering, was it not?
It's an interesting metaphor, works pretty well, but not the most original. I've read a few poems using the withering of a rose in comparison to a relationship.
I think the line about throwing it in the trash is interesting though.
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cheers
just negative in that rose is usually a symbol of love ect. Yeah its not that origional i guess now i think it threw must a been done a billion times but it came from a conversation where we decided a girls view on being given flowers is also her view on love, i always said i hate to be given them as they will only die and was worried what that meant about me . . . thanks for the feedback
yeah i wanted the line threw it in the trash to be really brutal.
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Wow
He gave you some flowers and they withered , then he began to wither , and you threw him away. That is really awesome , it made me think of what was going on , maybe I got the metaphor wrong , But I love the way you wrote this , great job.
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Spot on!
yeah thats exactly it, its sort of a double thing for the rose inevitably withering but also our atittudes to love and empty symbolism these days. Its a cliche because all the marks of 'love' are cliched these days, they lack true meaning . . . thank you so much very good feedback
xx =) xx
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