I run my fingers across my face
The heat of my hands burning my skin
Reminding me that I am real...
Only for now.
Blankly look in the mirror
The haunting look of despondency in my eyes
A plea for it to end...I cant bear through the pain anymore
The scars have carved its way through my heart
Leaving a black pit..I feel nothing.
I am nothing...
The hot saltly tears burn my throat,
Pierce my lungs and make it hard to breathe...
I refuse to let anyone see me cry
I have decided this is the end
Mesmorized by the silent call...
The cold silver blade lures me...teases me...
Yes its my only friend...
Its time to do what friends do, be there for me as I breathe my last breath
My blood coloring the clear water...Now the water is just as dirty as me...
I cast one final glance in the mirror as i kiss this life Goodbye.
Author notes
Did it make you cry, or did it make you cringe?
A contest entry
- Emo's endless tears by xXtired-of-cryingXx.
400 points, ended November 30, 2008, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did it suck?
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Sad but no tears
very sad, but I didn't cry as suicide makes me angry - a good friend choose this easy path decades ago and I still get angry. back to your poem - very well expressed and moving, although suicide turns me off.
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I didn't break out into tears, but i do think it's a sad poem.
Alot of people go through this everyday..It's a ver y sad thought and your poem did pull at some heartstrings i'll give you that much.
The last lines is what got to me that most ..
Although you did use some interesting words that i liked.. Keep penning my friend you did a pretty good job here. I enjoyed the read!
-Mandi
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I have spent too many hours on suicide hot lines talking to real potential victims to be casual about this. It was never an option for me so I never got past level one, because I had to be there to take care of all my brothers and sisters. Life is for living: high low, fat thin, wet dry, hot cold, happy sad. The hardest thing to learn is that most people are self centered so their behavior is not about you, it is all about them. Second, the world moves on no matter where we are. It just don't care. So nothing is personal unless you choose to make it that way. Gives yu a lot of power to create your own life. So don't create the shit that shows up in it. So it rains when you wanted sunshine, be creative and find the silver lining. Third -- I had kids tell me their parents or boyfriend, or love would miss them. I would ask how do you know? Maybe they will be relieved or dance on your grave.
"They wouldn't dare," they would say.
"How will you know? Your dead. You don't get to play on this field anymore."
I am not cold. In fact, practically all the kids I worked with will tell you I loved them more than anybody. Just, when life is serious, I don't have time for bullshit.
The poem: you are good with words, images and create a definite sense of dispair. Now try being, just, as exquisite in the positive. Nothing trite or cliched. Bet cha find it harder to do
Love,
Tom B.
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I like this, a lot.
I definitely felt a tug on my heartstrings as I read this, but the over use of ... distracted me a little.
Also, "blankly look in the mirror" is a little weak compared to the rest of the imagery.
You might want to go back and go over your punctuation and grammar. I can't read a piece properly if I keep noticing bad grammar. Sorry
But I do believe this piece has potential.
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Again, I just don't feel it. Also, the over usage of the ellipsis is a distraction. I do think that the ending shows particular promise, although I would suggest breaking it into more manageable lines as they are a bit line for the rest of the poem's structure.
Keep working at it - you have talent as a writer, you just need to finesse this one a little more!
Thank you for sharing! Good luck in the contest -
It was neither. It didnt make me break out in tears but it didnt make me cringe in fear. It was a good display of emotions though.
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sad
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