Silver bullet
Enters gray matter;
becomes part of white noise.
Author notes
It's not quite a haiku, which I was aiming for, but I think it works better this way.
A contest entry
- CALLING YOU OUT! INVITE ONLY! by starjacket.
550 points, ended March 8, 2009, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Short Pre-Writes by starjacket.
400 points, ended June 15, 2009, 14 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Splendid :-D
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Short but to the point. Very good write. thanks for sharing. Keep up the great work. Thanks for sharing.
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Even though it's not a haiku, it's still awesome!
Here's an idea for it to be a 5,7,5 syllable haiku.
A silver bullet
Swiftly speed through gray matter
becoming white noise
I had a tough time deciding wheather or not noise has one syllable or two....If you decide that it has 2, change the last line to 'becomes white noise".
Thanks for entering! Good luck! -
Ew. lol. I loved this! So much in so few words! Thanks for a brilliant share!
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Thank you. ^_^
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I agree that this is probably not haiku, at least in the traditional sense but it is a great expression of a concept.
Excellent job.
Mike
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Thank you very much Mike.
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Haha great job, this is amazing. You say so much with so very little. I love that! Great job!
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That's what I was aiming for. Glad you liked it.
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..... very nice
i hate watching the news for two reasons
1 its way too bias to get the real events out of it
2 its so depressing, the same horrible things day after day
beautifully written
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Thank you.
Actutally, Im a journalism major in college and I never watch television news for a lot of reasons. What I hate is how people only watch television news and expect all news to be biased because of it. A journalist's goal is to be objective and neutral while getting all the facts. But anyway, thank you for liking my poem.
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Truly a magnificent write. It is hard to write haiku. I have a few, but from long ago.
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Thank you very much. Yeah, they can be pretty tricky. You just to have to focus.
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Haiku's are hard to write cause they have such a short syllable count. I myself have only ever written one good one.
I like this poem a lot, especially the last line, it's good that you can write such a meaningful poem in so few lines.
Great job, keep writing.
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Thank you very much. Great comment. ^_^ Yeah, I like to challenge myself. I really like this one.
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Haha amen to that! Great write full of truth.
♥ Kathraina -
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Thanks. ^_^
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This hits the nail on the head in only three lines. Well done.
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Thanks a lot.
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Well written
I like this one I a lot.
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Thank you.
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Very cool Senyru Daran!
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Thank you very much.
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I like this
very bland emotion,
which adds to the poem.
nice job
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Thank you.
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hehe I already read this one.
I personally dont like short ones but this is good -
In just a few words, you've captured many different meanings perfectly.
I took it as
another tragedy has happened. It will be the talk of the week. And then it will just fade out, like the rest of them. Nothing will be done to change it. And something similar will happen again..
But thats just me lol.
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That is almost exactly what I had in mind. Good job! ^_^
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it's short but really well put together i can get a picture of what ur saying and i like it i think u did good even if its not perfect haiku lol
I think its terrific
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Thanks. ^_^ I'm glad you liked it.
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pal, grab a shovel and dig out more of these imaginitive words, i wanna see this wonderfull art in depth
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I liked your use of color words. it really made it flow really nicely. And, I love that you used the haiku "form" to aim for. It really made it...idk it was awesome. Very well written.
Mucho love,
Mylee -
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Thank you very much. ^_^
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haiku .....is a dark form of poetry....but has many
styles and versions....and this is truly a good haiku...
now dig a little deeper....
what do you really see when a silver bullet is aimed
straight at you....
silver bullet enters flesh
delivering the soul
unto deathly white noise.
dig a little deeper
I hear ya..haiku is a tricky form to conquer,
and yet...my little grannyson speaks it all
the time...a pre-verbal language.
well done!
ears/Seattle
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Hmm, I didn't think of what you see, but that is interesting. I see it as meaning something else, but that's the great part of poetry: the interpretational aspects. Thank you very much.
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Wow, I was expecting to read a long thingy. XD
But, it's still pretty I think :]
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Thank you.
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