When I was a young man I had a lot of parties
and there were a lot of women who went to them.
I was young and foolish willing to be crazy.
The girls came inside and the music played.
In the sunlight of the morning a few girls
stumbled out of the house leaving me satisfied
I made a habit of saying goodbye
without my shirt on.
The abs showed back then
The neighbors across the road would see this.
She would turn her nose up
as she pulled weeds in their garden.
Her husband would stretch out
on his front porch and smile
at the same girls I smiled at last night.
He also knew how to give that disapproving glare
especially when he thought his wife was looking at him.
After years of marriage he knew how to keep the peace.
I would come home form work with a six pack in each hand
A couple of empty bottles in the car staggering before I was in the door.
Led Zeplin, Van Halen and Hair of the Dog thundered
the windows of the neighborhood.
My yard was overgrown with weeds
and there was an off white sheet
in the living room window.
In the morning the girls left
and I walked out hung over
eyes squinting to the unforgiving sun rays.
She would glare at me from under her hat
and he would stand behind her with his arms crossed.
His eyebrows rumbled that look that said.
"You are going the wrong way son."
She told me about Jesus
and how a decent man
would find a good girl in church.
I would say 'yes maam. No maam.'
then turn inside my house and fire up my bong.
With every glance at her husband
I could see a slight smile from the corner of his mouth
telling me to have a good time and make the most of it
as he recalled all of his days of freedom
Till he went to church and settled with his wife.
Author notes
this is the first draft i will be working this
In a list
A contest entry
- NO GREENS! - A Rounds Contest by Pamela A Lamppa.
1700 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
I think all (speaking for the boys)who struck out on their have had one or two or a dozen wild dwellings and the elder/disapproving neighbors
I can certainly remember a few. This is well told with a light humor that lends an element of humanness that allows for the likability of all the characters. There seems, in the end, no harsh judgment at all.
well done
ken
-
This poem brought back some wonderful memories of college parties and disapproving neighbors. I wonder if even the wife could look back on a "misspent youth" and smile inwardly. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
-
I enjoyed this story very much and it touches on the prompt in a lighter way. Made me smile. Some punctuation and grammatical work necessary.
"Led Zeplin Van Halen and Hair of the dog thundered
the windows of the neighborhood.
My yard overgrown with weeds
and there was an off white sheet
in the living room window."
comma after Led Zeplin, and Hair Of The Dog - needs caps as it is a title.
My yard 'was' overgrown with weeds...
Or
My year, overgrown with weeds, coincided with the off-white sheet in my living room window.
Have some tense changes too that need some work but I know you said this is a first draft and you will be working on this so . . . I will be back to check again.
Tweak as necessary throughout. All in all a good write to this prompt. Thank you for your entry and best of luck in this round. ~Pamela 
-
this is a kind of nice poem that you have here, my friend i know i like it, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest
-
LOVE IT!!!
This is awesome, Jeff! With the exception of being with the girls ;-) it brought back a lot of memories!! I love how you told this, and the ending really brought it home! BRAVO!!
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
