This year I grow tired of
hearing the same 'ol Christmas songs.
So I am exacting my revenge that has
been boiling inside:
While Santa was up upon the rooftop,
I shot him down.
I blew a hole in him six miles wide so
Santa Clause won't be com'in to town.
Rudolph the Rednosed Reigndeer's
nose got him into trouble;
He is serving life in prison right next
to my mashed potatoes.
The real reason Grandma got ran over
by a reigndeer is 'cause Santa was drunk and running from
the police and needed to dispose of his beer.
( Why the Hell do you think he's so jolly?!)
He wasn't paying attention to the road.
He killed poor Granny with one blow.
Now he is serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole.
It's a Silent night cause
I told daddy I saw mommy
kiss'in Santa Clause.....
Guess I shouldn't have told him! O.o
The turtle dove is being served
along with the squab,
so that ends the twelve days
of Christmas gaub.
Jingles bells ain't happen'in either
because a snake jumped in front of
the horse.
The dumb animal bolted and flipped
the carriage over:
We bar-b-qued him of course.
So since Santa and Rudolph are
permanantly out,
and grandma is dead;
i have gotten my revenge and
am going to bed.
BAH HUM BUG!
A contest entry
- Twisted Christmas Songs/Poems by mystic-angel.
1350 points, ended December 17, 2008, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Holiday Humor by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
550 points, ended December 8, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Humorous Poetry by FloridaGatorQueen.
525 points, ended December 17, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - SO, LIKE....WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE? by condor.
900 points, ended January 3, 8 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PREWRITE MADNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Kathraina.
650 points, ended August 15, 460 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I Need Cheering Up by Heavenly Angel.
850 points, ended October 2, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ~ Make Her Smile :) ~ by lost-angel.
550 points, ended October 4, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - NOTHING BUT FUNNY by no more name.
1050 points, ended October 3, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Wacky Poetry Contest by Florida Sunshine.
700 points, ended November 4, 58 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What can be changed to improve the poem?
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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LMAO this is good from start to finish. I too hate christmas music with all it cheer and joy. Never brought me anything but dept. LOL. Thanks for entering the contest.
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Thank you for the laughs; I found this to be truly enjoyable
I wish you the very best in all your writing endeavors and the best of the best to you!!!! -
HAHAHA! I had a good laugh! I love dark humor when it's at its best! Great job! Thanks for entering!
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santa is a fat bitch lol. Seriously though I liked this definetily better than the usual boring christmas songs. So good write and this is definetily my fav christmas poem now lol. As always mmfwcl4l!!
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I loved this the first time round and still do, but it doesn't fit with my picture. Maybe i didn't explain myself...sorry. Great poem anyway.
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LMAO!!! This is just so over-the-top twisted! hee! hee!
Favorite part...
"It's a Silent night cause
I told daddy I saw mommy
kiss'in Santa Clause...
Guess I shouldn't have told him! O.o"
I have to say though it would have been anything but silent if my kid told me this...they would have heard me ringing his bells all over town!! Ha! ha!
great job and good luck in the contest
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LMBO This had me in stitches. Man I agree with this. I don't celebrate Christmas so I hate this time of year. I enjoyed the read!!! Thank you for entering my contest
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ily OWNER!
Great poem. Made me giggle all giddy like and such.
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I absolutely loved this, I just wish you had followed my rules.
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
This is hilarious! One of the funniest yet! You have an excellent imagination and a wicked sense of humour! Brilliant, just what I like. Very well written, I love it. Thanks for your entry and good luck.
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on principle, i refuse to give you clappys, as i happen to love the christmas songs that come on! it was quite funny, though. Your nugget self could do with a nice, big, healthy dose of holiday cheer, miss "bah-humbug"! while i'm not clapping your poem, i am commenting on it. keep that in mind when you return to yell at me. alrighty, miss scrooge, i hope you have a wonderful thanksgiving day. i'm very, very thankful to have you as my best friend...so close to me, we're sisters at heart. luff choo sissy!
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I think the beginning was a little rocky, but I really liked it towards the end, very clever x]. Even if it is a little too soon for Christmas!
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lmfao. Love how you've got some of the Christmas carols into this poem and made a little story/poem out of them.
Loved all the stanzas. And you spelled prison wrong, you might want to change that.
My favorite i have to say was the reason why grandma got run over lol nice one.
QOD
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OMFG!!!!!
I Love this it is so damned hilarious girl!!! It's awesome<33333!!!!!!!!!!!
~Silky
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I don't think you should change any of this as it is so funny the way it is. I have to agree with you that i hate hearing those same damned things every xmas. It's still november and they are already starting to play those things on the radio. I thought this piece was so hilarious. Yeah, i knew santa was responsible for something cause he was drunk. Noone is that jolly all the time....unless you're snozzled! I would very much like to show this to some friends of mine at work, if you allow me to copy it. It will make them laugh so much. Thanks for the fun!
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