The silent echo of the girl I once was
Vibrates in the empty abyss that was my heart
Tears mix with blood as I cut my self on the broken pieces
I can only put my self back together again so many times
Before I fall apart...
Memories of the pain slice into me, reminding me of all I've lost
The darkness that lingers in the recesses of my mind
The laughing demons in my closet, a sure sign of my insanity
A constant game of playing hide and seek; I've lost myself in my fantasy
But it was only to protect me from reality
Glinting in the small strip of light...it's silver smile speaks softly to me
Holds my hand and lures me through the dark...I shut my eyes tightly
A mass of twisted and bruised flesh with no soul...
Hollow and blank eyes...brown orbs that have lost their shine
I don't want to see what I've become....
Blind me...I no longer want to see
Author notes
I wasnt sure of the ending at all.....an as for the title I have no idea. If you have any comments on how i could possibly edit this by all means be had brutal has you must.
A contest entry
- Misfits Enter Here ~ If You Dare by nichtmich.
1750 points, ended December 19, 2008, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Did it suck?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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Finally, a dark, soul ripping piece I can relate to. Beautifully wirtten. It all just seems tio flow together. Love the last line: 'Blind me... I no longer want to see' - It certainly jumped out at me. Well done.
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TOUCHING!!!!!
One can only take so much before they break, sadly this world demands a tremendous amount of strength from all.
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YOU HAVE BEEN ACKNOWLEDGED
Congrats on winning
this week to be acknowledged.
with this awesome poem
penned so well
hugs Angel♥
beautiful and well penned
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darkness....
enjoyed this poem, so much hurt and such fabulous imagery. sorry so much hurt was the catalyst for this creative piece.
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This is a good poem, a more original title might help and as for the last line, I love it! Thank you for your entry.
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Truthful
I DO like this but...it reads as though you are outside of yourself looking at the situation instead of from an inner perspective. I think that is why it lacks emotion. Re work it and get your guts into it! If YOU feel it, so will your audience! There is no answer in this piece as to WHY they are feeling this way. Maybe interject some of that. I think you make make this into something really great. It's worth the effort to try!
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I am missing the emotion here. There is grand potential but I just don't connect with anything here. Your ability to work with imagery is very strong and your word usage is nice but the emotion is lacking.
I would suggest re-working it a bit to see if you can build on that a little more.
Otherwise, thank you for sharing! Good luck in the contest -
hmmm...i like the ending. but there's something about this that just didn't sit right. your vocab is fine end etc. but this just didn't grab me emotionally, and it should have. for me,t he ending stanzas were better thanthe beginning. maybe you're just telling the reader (me) what's going on, instead of making me feel it? i'm not sure.
but there is potential in this piece to be great, so work on it.
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nice
i like it alot and i think that you are a good wrighter and excuse the spelling its late and im tired on top of not being able to type and spell well lol you get the point i like it and whre did u get your back \ground its nice
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