When strolling amid life’s voluptuous shore,
Loneliness walks and my hopes shine dimmer.
Tears cannot fill the emptiness at the core.
Hand in hand, their sights locked forevermore,
Observe this ethereal astral glimmer.
When strolling amid life’s voluptuous shore.
Every sigh I touched became sullied ore,
Until the glow of these eyes grew grimmer.
Tears cannot fill the emptiness at the core.
My hollow arms yearn someone to adore,
But this past twilight is my life’s trimmer.
When strolling amid life’s voluptuous shore.
Laughter swayed my heart’s beat. That was before
I sheltered being taciturn and primmer.
Tears cannot fill the emptiness at the core.
Glaring at Fortune’s couples an oath I swore:
Hope for life but for now let love simmer.
When strolling amid life’s voluptuous shore,
Tears cannot fill the emptiness at the core.
Author notes
Well this is my first Villanelle, so please be critical.
2.Write about waiting for love to come
<3 <3 alt + 3 don't seem to work
"The moon looks upon with a watery eye,
and when she weeps, weeps every little flower,
lamenting some enforcéd..." The Bard
Villanelle
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 2 (
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 4 (a)
Line 5 (
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 7 (a)
Line 8 (
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 10 (a)
Line 11 (
Refrain 1 (A1)
Line 13 (a)
Line 14 (
Refrain 2 (A2)
Line 16 (a)
Line 17 (
Refrain 1 (A1)
Refrain 2 (A2)
Written in pentameter.
A contest entry
- The Great Villanelle by Victory Gin.
3150 points, ended November 21, 2008, 12 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Finding Love [True Love Waits Forever][Awaiting Arrival Of Unborn Child] by stargazer..
400 points, ended April 20, 62 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Bored Enter!!!!! Need to Read Something!!!!! by fairytalelovestory.
700 points, ended January 8, 130 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Inspire Me by Arrianna MacEwan.
600 points, ended January 24, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I adore repetition, and it is written well here. Thanks for entering the contest and good luck.
A. MacEwan -
Another poem that can be appreciated for its expression of emotion... The rhyming is excellent and the ease with which I followed the poem's sense was acceptable but the meter sticks just a little too much in too many places to make it to the finals. Thank you for entering my contest.
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Nevertheless, thank you. I know you said to not reply to your comments, but since its my first villanelle, and it doesn't matter anymore I wanted to ask some questions. For example, meter, is it pentameter or it doesn't really matter? But then again if its not, wouldn't the villanelle loose its structure flow? Also about rhyming, is it consonant or assonant? And finally the refrains, what is something that would be essential to have enduring refrains but at the same time that it doesn't sound redundant?
Thank you for hosting this contest. I was previously interested in Villanelles, but after seeing your contest and reading some of your Villanelles, It kind of motivated me. -
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First of all, I don't think it is possible to teach another person how to write poetry. Workshopping poetry with people in a group is one thing but on this site it usually results in people mimicking one another or sharing bad ideas. The Villanelle has no metrical requirement other than consistency. Classic examples were usually tetrameter but the modern Villanelle leans towards iambic pentameter. It really depends upon what mood you wish to convey. Shorter lines give your poem a more lyrical quality whereas longer lines can better express more complicated ideas. My method for refrains is to first write a couplet and ensure they sound good together. Depending upon the poem you might change the punctuation or even a few of the words (but not the rhyme) in your refrains but it is good practice to repeat them word for word. Rhymes are important because the Villanelle only has two sounds and a strict rule that no rhyme word be repeated except in the refrains. Anyway, Villanelles are versatile and quite easy once you get the feel for them. Practice, practice, practice.
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Thank you. This clears a lot of the Villanelle for me and also things I didn't know before. Now I'll practice =)
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I am really impressed with this one Mila. The rhyming and the flow are very well done. Best of luck in the contest.
Mike
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