It's sleeting again, he thought,
opening his eyes where he lay,
in a recess covered by rough planks
of wood; he'd nodded off there
as the strange low hum had arrived.
The relief of a sleep not ever long
yet seeming so; and from which
you knew you'd awaken.
In the twilight even if you might
not wish it to be so; after all,
though your mind twitched
with notions fighting each other
for recognition, the reality of life
seemed so much worse.
Oh, to be dead and out of here.
It's sheeting with rain today,
he recalled a man earlier say,
in a deep voice carried on the stench
of blood and bodies somewhere.
Brown-stained by the mud at daylight,
and the water knee-deep where they belonged;
thawed from the snow that would drift,
then run down through the gates
in the barbed wire from seven to midnight.
And he knew it was so each late fall,
this experience of his, emotions
fighting each other for freedom;
seasons determined by skies at night,
dreams caged by this earth.
Folded up to be years elsewhere.
On his feet in pain he caught
the moment inside once again,
when a deep breath was required to close ranks,
with those who embodied where,
what remained of his soul and his mind,
wished so much to sleep; they floated along
in his thin blood all adrift,
and he knew he was broken.
In the twilight his shadow now cried,
flickered out in the cold and the dark.
The snow came thick
and he wished the fighting was over.
Not as an admission of piety or grief,
just to leave his earth.
Just to be dead and out of here.
by NaughtonP
Author notes
Though essentially referencing WWI this piece could apply to WWII, too.
A contest entry
- Unsung Prewrites! by Justified Inc..
700 points, ended April 2, 68 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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very vivid and great imagery. well done and good luck in the contest
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wow. a very vivid piece.
thanks so much for entering and best of luck in my contest. -
Hmmm... It DOES sound like a concentration camp... I LIKE IT!!! A very heartfelt, vivid piece here, poet. Although I'm considering entering... good luck anyways.
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All I can say is it's about time this piece got some recognition, Peter.
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Real.
This poem seemed so very real, so very vivid. I felt like I was there, in a prison camp, waiting for my release and losing all hope of ever feeling hope again. My what a poem! I have to say, this is so well done I am astounded it has not recieved further recognition. It is a supurb write, very emotianally riveting and powerful.
I was on the verge of tears when I got the the last stanza and it reminded me of a concentration camp.
Bravo!
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I like it, just not a winner.
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Entrenched Views
Hello there. Hm, well, perhaps it's not imaginable to you. It's about the insane trench warfare of World War 1. -
Entrenched Views
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I like it, just not a winner.
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The repetition in this was really powerful, well done! I think the impact, though, would be greater still if it was cut down some. It just goes on a little long. The imagery is strong, thank you for entering!
-Lena -
A wonderful character sketch in a snapshot of his life.
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I struggle to find the words to do this poem justice. Just fantastic. Good luck in the contest, I'm sure you will get many votes with this one.
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very well written.
I am speechless...
Lady
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You already know ...
... how much I like this poem, Peter ... hope you draw some equally worthy praise. :-)
Brian
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