I'm rotting away from the inside out, on that note:
I was made by God’s hand to be broken.
Stranded in solitude,
This is permanence.
To be undaunted and abrupt are such colossal steps for a man like me.
Happiness isn't attainable.
I'm disoriented and irrevocable.
My aspirations of being a far greater being are merely vague memories,
Knives at hope's throat.
I'm a wreck; wrecked at sea.
Washed up by the tide on jagged rocks under a rusty heart.
My lungs filled with disgust,
I cough concrete.
Twenty-four hours on a hopeless journey:
I reach the peak of the highest mountain, please tell me this was all for something.
As my neck grinds towards the path I walk so numb,
I notice a light, a light far away.
I want to step into the light that shines so far away.
I want to explore the unknown, I want to discover the secrets behind closed doors.
I'm tainted with mistakes, tainted with heartache.
One step forward, I find peace.
It resonates this beating in my head and heart;
Here I am, here I go.
Author notes
The first half of my poem, written at 2AM. I was highly upset from events that were beyond my control. Second half finished the next day after a great day out with friends. Thats why my writing style changed, I just thought it'd be creative if I started out in a dark, depressing manner and finished it with the motivation to never look back, never look down.
Damaged people are dangerous, we know we can survive anything.
In a list
A contest entry
- November's New Member Contest by AP Greeters.
700 points, ended December 6, 2008, 34 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - life after death by Shelby K.
500 points, ended February 9, 13 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the audition round. by stargazer..
800 points, ended May 21, 54 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Forever dreamer by sexy emo fairy.
700 points, ended June 12, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite conest by serenity silvermoon.
1500 points, ended June 12, 429 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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I liked how you did this. nice imagery. well done.
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"my lungs filled with disgust, I cough concrete"... "tainted with mistakes, tainted with heartache"... I feel ya man, I feel ya...
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i love the first line of this poem
thats what i feel like
if u want to see some good poems go on my page
please & thaxs -
I'm disoriented and irrevocable.
My aspirations of being a far greater being are merely vague memories,
Knives at hope's throat.
I'm a wreck; wrecked at sea.
Washed up by the tide on jagged rocks under a rusty heart.
My lungs filled with disgust,
I cough concrete.
This is the most powerful of the poem. It's nice to see that you can overcome whatever may befall you. Actually gets me thinking, I may use this for inspiration myself. Great write friend.
Much love,
Jessica -
Originality: (8/10)
Emotion: (8/10)
Poetic devices: (14/20)
Structure/flow: (8/10)
Cohension: (9/10)
Title relating to poem: (8/10)
Personal opinion: (8/10)
Syntax: (8/10)
Diction: (8/10)
Total:79/100
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interesting piece. thanks for entering and good luck.
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the damaged live on
this is beyond reproach. I could read your stuff all the time. not too long ago I was going through a very stagnant part of my life and then moved back home to texas, where it seems to be the only place my mind can turn and think... regenerate. This one speaks to me that way. A+ yo!
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Ah! This was lovely. Your diction was superb, and yes, the imagery as well
There is a lot for the mind to munch on here. The only thing that I didn't find amazing about this, was the abundance of adjectives. I have a terrible problem with adjective-overkill, so I can't give any advice (I'm still working on it myself 
). Still, this was really good. Bookmarked! And congrats on the silver shiny 
Jeanette*~
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You express emotion so well I feel depressed. That is what is good with this write. Your ability to convay your feelings.
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You brought tears to my eyes in the end. I am havng trouble with my fiance (wondering if im ready, if i can even be there for him when he needs me, if my past fuck ups will effect my future with him) And you just gave me hopes.
thank you -
great poem i loved the fact that it was written at 2 different sittings
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I cough concrete.
That was awesome. Great poem, I loved how you changed up the writing style and finished it off with a nice note.
keep writing!
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Nice work!
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Well done
Very very well done, I love.
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"Damaged people are dangerous, we know we can survive anything."
We all are in some sort of way! Thank you for sharing this poem here on AP! Congratulations of the trophy it is well deserved. If you ever ever ever need someone to talk to pleae im me. In Love & Light... Blessed Be! ~~Iridessa MoonFlower~~
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your words are beautiful. i especially loved the first stanza but you write about a change in the second and you can see that change with the change of words. this was an amazing piece, i love your style.
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The only thing that bothered me about this was the lack of apostrophe.
Otherwise, simply stunning. Hurt, in a way. Beautifully hurt? I like.
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Powerful and filled with wonderful images. You seem to have a talent for communicating strong feelings, relating them in a self-disclosing manner with which the reader can resonate. I hope to read more.
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we must never be tainted...we all learn from the pain...
as the bible says gold is tested in fire and righteous men in the furnace of humiliation...
i am sure it will be golden in lustrous sheen when it comes out of the fire... -
Excellent
A most unusual write. Your ending definitely opens the door to more than one conclusion. Very well written. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
Hell this poem is quite good enough to be seen as a well founded reason for you to exist. There's talent in that twisted heart of yours.
Your rhyming is well timed and well used, it's all perfectly balanced... hmpf to think that a place like Texas could produce a formidable poet... I would never have imagined...
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definitely, most definitely shows the inner workings of a poet.
you truly express thru your imagery the broken heart quality of writers expressing their sorrowful and open humanity.
thank you for this wonderful work and congrats on the silver.
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this is so amazing!
i absolutley loved this piece!
you wrote this so beautifully, and i love how this flows so well!
i really enjoyed reading this, thanks so much for sharing.
your Faerie
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Welcome to Allpoetry and thank you for entering the contest
Wow. Just. Wow.
Your words are powerful, and heart wrenching and make my very soul ache for the pain that you must experience.
Your notes only show more pain in life, and that is such an eye opening experience. It's rare that you see so completely into the soul of another.
Welcome to Allpoetry and thank you for entering our contest
I hope that you enjoy the site, and if you have any questions please don't hesitate to ask
Good luck!
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Welcome to AllPoetry
I found myself a little overwhelmed by the power in your poem, and then the raw emotions poured into the Authors Notes
I need to catch my breath a moment. This write is astounding, it holds everything poetry is inside ... power, imagery, vocabulary, emotions ... did I mention power?
Amazing write mate
I think the only suggestion I have is to capitalize your 'I's
♥
Enjoy AllPoetry
Thank You & Best of Luck
Stay safe
~Manda
Site Greeter -
Welcome to AllPoetry
Damn, this is good stuff!
I really like your choice of vocabulary, the antithesis between aspirations and memories, and my favorite part:
"im a wreck; wrecked at sea.
washed up by the tide on jagged rocks under a rusty heart.
my lungs filled with disgust,
i cough concrete."
This poem is creative and well written. I would only suggest being a little more careful with the apostrophes (such as (hope's, i'm). This is very good. Good luck
~Diana
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welcome to allpoetry
This was a really great poem, so much expression in it, the sadness and utter loss in the first part leading to the hoped and sought after redemption in the second part, well done on this! thanks for sharing and for joining the site, keep up the writing!
cheers
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i want to explore the unknown, i want to discover the secrets behind closed doors.
i'm tainted with mistakes, tainted with heartache.
one step forward, i find peace.
it resonates this beating in my head and heart;
here i am, here i go.
These lines had so much force for me. Truly a joy to read these. Thank you for putting it in the reading list.
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Welcome to Allpoetry
This is an amazing poem, and after reading your ANs, I wished with all my heart that I could help you. This write broke my heart, and I remembered for a moment what it felt like to be broken and completely lost.
My only suggestion: Don't forget to capitalize 'I', or any variation of the word.
Other than that, I really don't know what else to tell you, aside from the fact that I know this will stick with me for days. If you ever want to talk about her, please let me know! Well done, and good luck!
Laura
Site Greeter
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Thanks!
Your comment by far was the best so far :]
I appreciate you offering a helping hand, but I'm trying really hard to stand on my own two feet and so far it's going superb, x. :]
<3
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Welcome to Allpoetry!
I liked the way that the formatting added so much to this poem you have some interesting imagery and some nice uses of language I noticed that you don't have the option number in your author notes - you might like to add it in because it was one of the rules and I would hate to see this piece disqualified for it! All in all I enjoyed this read thank you very much for entering the new members contest!
Polly
Site Greeter
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Welcome to All Poetry
A very dark write full of imagery. A couple of suggestions though, perhaps adding breaks to each sentence may help the flow of this, it kind of seems that each sentence runs into each other. Also, you may want to add puncutation which will help make statements stand out more, as well as adding your option number in your AN, so you don't get DQ'd. Thanks for sharing, best of luck in the contest.
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everything i write is personal. its not made up. i write with anger and frustration. a friend read my blogs and said i should really post these things on a poetry site. i would post the poems i've written while in a good mood, but i was under the influence of substances. the feeling would be fake, rendering it unstable material. i'll try to insert breaks, better punctuation and capitalization skills. i write so fast and so reckless i don't bother to stop and edit. thanks for the feedback, i'll consider your advice<33
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