I am at the funeral of a friend and I know,
After today he will be another grave out of millions.
Like another star in the sky.
Another needle in the haystack.
The world goes one tick tock after the other.
but not for me?
A few tears and a handkerchiefs later we forget the dead.
You forget their charming smile,
You forget their generous attitude,
You forget the times they got you through those sleepless nights.
You forget their warmth
You forget.
He lies beneath the ground rotting his pathetic body away.
I have mourned his journey eight feet down and must open a new deck of cards.
Or should I spend the rest of my years and tears mourning his death.
I admit neither makes much sense to me.
Jesus’ body is mourned around the world and never forgotten,
But he was no Jesus,
I suppose.
When I die will I be forgotten like everybody else?
Forgotten like the rest of the aging bones and dirt.
Can I handle- Can I comprehend my own death.
Can I comprehend such a pathetic ending from what was a marvelous beginning?
No
No I cannot
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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another congrats.nice write.
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bravo
this must be for me one of my favorites of your poems i have read, this is so profound!! i love it and only wish i could give you more claps!!
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thoughtful
in my experience i don't think much of being remembered. see, the way in which we live our lives affects those around us in ways we do not understand. immortality is the echo we leave in the world through our affect on those who've loved us and those we've loved. we do not understand these things until we are deeply moved by the changes we expereince when one of our loved ones is no longer present... or should i say, when there presense becomes something wholly different to us. -
Forget about it
This is a unique test from God you got this last stanza perfectly . If your missing the light at the end of this tunnel forget the emotionally panicked I want to find a solution your mind is attempting to comprehend. Comprehend what you can do if you know how to add two plus two you can get an answer God doesn't want you to answer he want's to test you so you can get the Spiritual answer not comprehension. In attaining anything Spiritual is regarding human nature and every moment being miraculous in its self. Truth patients is a virtue God bless
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Good poem.
Very profound; I've already settled that question for myself, but it's a journey for everyone. Should you wish to, there are more people on AP that can help with your question:
http://allpoetry.com/group/show/Desperately+Seeking+Help
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I like the thought, and the poem itself is very deeply touching, choked me up a little. It is an honest voice, with much in the way of beauty, and addresses a common fear with intricate words. . I'm sorry for your loss, death is at such times, very difficult to contemplate. . and I'm guilty as seeing it as an easy way out. I wish you all the best in future when you may be able to look back and remember your friend in a peaceful light. As over-said as it is, no-one leaves without a trace, memories may flatten with time, but never fade completely. Please take these suggestions with the pile of salt responsible for heart disease in the UK:
Stanza 1, line 2 "out of" --or "within"?
"Like" weakens the line.
"needle in the haystack" is too cliche, and you've already made the point strong enough. Though sayings can be remodeled and used again well.
The last two lines of that stanza could be more concise.
Stanza 2, line 1- a typo.
line 2, you change from "we" to "you".
But a poignant stanza.
Stanza 3, line five "body" interrupts the flow a little, maybe just "Jesus".
"I suppose." seems a little unecessary.
"No
No I cannot" the poem is powerful enough in it's metaphor and would be better focussed on that with slightly less repitition, I get the spoken approach and do think it's effective. I'll make no specific suggestions on that.
I love this.
"I have mourned his journey eight feet down and must open a new deck of cards"
--the questioning tone is perfect.. Just a matter of a little nip-tuck.
~fat ass
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I love the thought put into this. I tend to write stuff like this but I am very stuck to rhyme which is one of my downfalls. Over all I really like this poem. Good job!
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