i listened
to steam
in the twitching pipes
dreaming, briefly,
of the shadows
summer mosquitoes cast
on yellow walls
now the chill
sucks the air in gasps
from aching windows
and i woke
breathless
and sweating
under blankets
that carry their weight
in heaves and sighs
my window
gathers no sky
but the light
of the laden moon
hummed like fluorescents
over empty warehouse shelves
the thoughts came
in the momentary lapse
of control
so i spoke in a diminished key
and hoped the music
of a toneless voice
would carry the meaning
past sleeping ears
A contest entry
- Fully by Mari Goes.
1300 points, ended November 22, 2008, 17 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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With this poem you are showing a solid scene, something we might have gone through more than once without noticing all the details. Then you bring this wonderful poetic feel to your words and make of a 'common' scene something very special.
I really like this one, specially last stanza, thanks!
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thank you! most honored, i'm glad you enjoyed it!
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"past sleeping ears"
With that line I believe I see what the restlessness is about, what the moon probably is a symbol of...(though I could be reading it far too literally.)
Those sleeping ears...I have faced them, day and night actually...or maybe I just wasn't speaking the right language (more likely.)
It's quite good, how you set up this poem to slowly express and then show the theme.
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After just having turned up
the thermostat a notch
I come to the screen
and see "mosquitoes"
in the title, wondering
how loper is finding the little buzzers
in this cold time of year. But there they
were, casting dream shadows from the heat
of summer, giving way to the moon of winter
influencing the dreamer's dreams......
Another adventure that slides us along
in the corridors of loper's mind!
M-C
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Well done! best of luck in this contest.
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