i bit a hole
into my cheek,
so thick and glassy
you could fit
a blackberry there.
that is why, i told her,
i am always smelling
sour, stretched.
a chasm big enough
for my limey hands at the edges,
roll it into the silent passing
of an artist.
~
my grandmother once
said to me: "girl,
you don't have the courage
in a world like this.
stop acting like
you're whole."
she was kneading bread.
in the end, it tasted fantastic
and unspeakably sad.
~
how horrible it must be
to find out, someday, not only
that you are gone,
but that you had never
even existed
~
she had the best
ankles i’d ever met -
rounded and full and wise.
her hands smelled like anchovies.
and every small sound she made
in her head was perfectly vengeful.
~
actually, my halmoni
died shortly after i learned to speak,
shortly before i learned
to keep quiet.
maybe all this happened.
maybe it didn't.
but even if it is a lie, it is not
any less true.
Author notes
the hole-in-the-cheek definitely happened. it's huge and hurts like hell.
prompt: blackberry
...so i strayed a bit.
halmoni - grandmother, in korean
In a list
A contest entry
- pineapple lumps; invite contest! ! ! by notorious.
1209 points, ended December 31, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it, damn it.
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
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loved your grandmother portion.
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Aw, this was stunning, I am always speechless to read your writing, I can't believe the whole episode of hole-in-the-cheek happened though, I could imagine that would hurt beyond of what I am imagining, probably like a total of thirteen plus cusswords is probably how much something like that happened.
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Anyways I love the rest of this write as well, kudos.
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*is wondering if she should die now before the competition ends*
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Damn.
When I gave you that 'blackberry' prompt, I was thinking
of blackberry jam, but I also knew that you'd make this into something fucktacularly awesome.
"i bit a hole
into my cheek,"
god, what a way to grab my attention with CLEAR (I capitalize 'clear' because well, I read a lot of imagery that isn't clear at all
) imagery. And ow...
'glassy' <==this word is bitchass.
"one could fit
a blackberry there."
I was thinking this might be better as "you could fit/a blackberry there." <==do you think that suggestion is crap? LoL
"i am always smelling
sour, stretched."
YES! This is the epitome of poetry. Great use of 'sour'; it really does make me think of fruit in general.
'limey' <==coolio.
"roll it into the silent passing
of an artist."
Now this really makes me think of people so famous now died w/o anyone knowing for a long ass time...really awesome lines; love the use of 'roll' because it sounds so careless.
"she was kneading bread.
in the end, it tasted fantastic
and unspeakably sad."
Ahhh!
The word 'fantastic' is bloody hard to work in a poem w/o sounding like a complete jackass; I've never attempted it...but then, what am I doing comparing myself to you?
Love the way you've used the word and "and unspeakably sad." Ahhhhhh! The jux kills me...and the idea and smell of kneading bread is just so freaking tangible here.
"i'd ever met"
Kick-ass use of 'met' in relation to ankles...uniqueuniqueuniquitttyyyyyyy!
"perfectly vengeful."
Ohhhh these 2 words are perfecto together; I guess they kind of make me think of "unspeakably sad". Both are some hauntingly good phrases.
'halmoni' <==thank you for the brief Korean lesson...I kind of guessed, but it's good for clarification.
"but even if it is a lie, it is not
any less true."
I don't know what else to say except "Fuck yes".
Thanks sooooo much for entering
Jessica
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the you/one suggestion DOES make sense. thank you much
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Coolio
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and every small sound she made
in her head was perfectly vengeful.
...
actually, my halmoni
died shortly after i learned to speak,
shortly before i learned
to keep quiet.
A poem that is itself unspeakably sad. Just the sad sort of thing that actually made me happier today, in a sad way. Did that make sense? I'm high on insomnia right now, and everything seems very apt and symbolic.
In all, fantastic piece, dear.
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Ouch. I've done this so many times... and bitten a hole on the side of my tongue too. My teeth are sharp, so I have a scar there now from where I broke the skin so badly.
Anyway, onto the poem: I love it. That's really all I can say. Beautiful job and good luck in the contest. You definitely deserve to place with this.
♣ Tegan -
the opening stanza was stunning
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she was kneading bread.
in the end, it tasted fantastic
and unspeakably sad.
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to be blunt it was a bit choppy for my taste but the whole feel of it was definatly there. and if i may ask why do you have a hole in your cheek? it sounds painful. anyway although this isnt your best i still enjoyed reading it :]
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i have no idea what you are critiquing here
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hun, i have my opinion and im entitled to it so please let me crit if i want to okie dokie!? thanks.
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yay! thanks for the advice; i'll be working on it.
i was chewing gum. go figure.
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