Feelings, I Despise

Nobody notices
the pain,
it death-ens my soul
the noise,
suffocates my whole
exhaustion,

creeps cruely in all my veins
with every second passing,

my wrists itch to be trapt in chains.

Nobody knows
the feelings,
no one sees the lies,
when everyone is breathing, 
I bow down and purge lifeless creeding cries.

With all the sins against my being,
with all the sins against what I'm seeing,
the devil applauds me with arms wide open,
gods eyes resist me with golden tears flowing.

Hatred for my soul,
a rotten piece of flesh
love for losing self-control,
my drowning eyes hide what I'm so desperate to confess,

my feelings
intertwined in a blood soaked murky mesh.

All hope is lost in published dismay,
you will find no sunshine in my surrounding stench ray.
For I am lost,
for I am heading towards more devil dusted abuse,
for I am owning dry veins, sprinkled with eroding frost,
for I am one to lie and cover up the habits of misery misuse.

In this lonesome moment I feel nothing fresh or new:
Far from being saved,
feelings so blunt and broken and boldly blue
far from being craved,
feelings distort me into sharded shattered glass
and nobody notices, they just see straight through.

My feelings seperate me from the worldly norm,

and shoot me into grey clouded, sullen spew

My feelings lock me down,

they grip my whole and keep me 
far from you,
far from me.
Far away, 
I will always be.