I ascertain the rivulets of rain
cascading lazily down the window's pane
as I lounge on the ottoman, hoping, aching
for your apparition to manifest itself.
I auscultate your aromatic aura
the sensation of your spiritual arms
entwining themselves around my person
an increasing ache, making me weep
I reflect upon your non-subsistence
the reality of your absence comes to mind
your ghostly visage, a figment of imaginations
I miss you love, someday I will hold you again
In a list
A contest entry
- Attention, All Sensual Writers by DolceVito.
875 points, ended December 3, 2008, 7 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - BATTLE OF THE GOLDS Freeverse by Swan song.
1300 points, ended January 6, 14 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Show Me Your Best by JustFallingApart.
400 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I want all poems about RAIN by Atrus.
1000 points, ended September 21, 69 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
"a rose of any color and bright blue daisies"
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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Beautiful poem you've written here. There are a couple times that I feel you're overreaching with the word choice but I recognize that's part of what creates the style so if it's what you like then keep with it. Examples are "auscultate your aromatic aura" and "visage" --- word choice like that pigeonholes the poem into a certain kind of poem. But having said that, I like what you've done here a lot. Good poem and thanks for sharing.
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nice write, hope all is well
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This is a read done in fine meter and a true joy. Just from the flow I can see where it was wortthy of a gold. Very well done!
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wow... awesome sensual write!
this is marvelous the imagery and the verbiage.. truly a well penned piece! congrats on the gold!
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WOW
This is absolutely breathtaking...I love the imagery. Definitely deserving of that gold trophy
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Wow..it must be the rain....
This is so sad and longing in one...showing a loneliness so sadly, hopefully...
No wonder you won the Gold...
XXJeannette
(today's poem)
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I'm kind of in love with the word ascertain. Also, this poem has amazing imagery and it flows simply splendidly. It's amazing. I love the semi-non-rhyme in the last stanza. Congrats on the gold, it was definatly deserved!
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a beautiful write on longing ... wonderful images and the wording of the piece is so full of wanting ... wanting to express emotions that are usually out of reach, which you accomplished.
thanks and congrats on the gold.
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'I reflect upon your non-subsistence
the reality of your absence comes to mind'
Very sad but beautiful. Congrats on the Gold.
Mariana
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Excellent
This is way beyond normal literary genious
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Brilliant and an amazing piece!
I really enjoyed reading this and congratulations
to you on your gold trophy! Pleasure readin you!
Jeremy0826
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Simply amazing.
You did a beautiful job on this poem. I loved reading it. Outstanding job.
Ronin
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Beautiful
Thank you for your beautifully expressed, sensual entry…You describe a feeling I am familiar with…Good luck in the contest.
Vito
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This is beautiful! Full of yearning and love, along with subtle sensuality.
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I really love the aching feeling it gives you when you read it. I have attempted to write pieces similar to this, and failed every time. Therefor, I applaud you, and your ability to weave tragic forlorn tales of love and longing. Really great work! I must admit, I was worried when the first two lines rhymed...:/ I'm really glad you didn't make this a rhyming piece, as I think it would shatter the delicate reality of your work, and turn it into a sappy cliche.
Really enjoyed it!
Thanks!
Always,
V
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This really paints a beautiful picture in my head. I love your choice of words. I wouldnt change a thing about this poem.
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It's good imagry. And I love the "ghostly visage"
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You have a wonderful vocabulary! I must say though, that sometimes too many large or unusual words can distract from the piece. This is my thoughts, though and you certainly don't have to agree. This is a very deep and touching piece. Great work!
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Amazing job!! The content is beautifully done and a lovely piece of art! This made my day by reading it!!
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wow i really like this ! a lot of big words but very well written
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Wow, what a fantastic piece of work you've got going on here, my beautiful niece! It's just lovely, and the flow is exquisite. Nice choice of words - very elegant. Good luck in the contest!
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You write of love so well, something I have no knack for...soft flow of sensual desire waiting to be quenched...
best to you!
mystic
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such a soft beautiful display of words
truly soulful quality
lovely pleasure to read my friend
God bless you...
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