suppose a leaf could yearn
for heights of Heaven's bower
each petal then in turn
could mourn its dying flower
whilst shades of mist and dew
still clings to withered grass
fading with every dawn
above a Winter's pass
Author notes
Thank you ecrivain01 for you help with the edits! 
In a list
A contest entry
- Winter prewrites by Violinstrings.
625 points, ended January 17, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critical Review Desired
Comments
1 - 8 of 8
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Ephemeral means passing quickly ...
and all dawns do that, so the title is an oxymoron.
You might try changing the first two lines to make them grammatically correct:
suppose a leaf could yearn
the heights of heaven's bower (for heights of Heaven's bower)
otherwise, this is spot on.
Nice job.
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Oxymoron is actually a set of two words contradicting the other. Ex: dead rising, Fire water, wakeful sleep, etc. What I believe you meant to say was that the title was redundant. i.e. two words that are essentially the same in meaning. The advice is well taken, but I didn't get the edit you made for my first two lines - they are the same, excepting one change of capitalization. Is that the change you are suggesting?
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WOW .. ok sorry to go monosylabic on ya, but that was unexpected. I really am not a fan of rhyme but that was just beautifully executed. Standing kudos!
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this is short but it
it says so much in this form of poetry
it is beautiful
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'morn'==>'mourn' in the context you've used it in.
"suppose a leaf could yearn"
This first line rocks my face off; it's strong and the word 'suppose' really makes me well...consider the whole idea and imagery.
"Winter's pass"
Seasons don't need to be capitalized.
You've been dead for the longest era, man.
;
Jessica
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Chandni sent me this over MSN
I just assumed it was from one of those famous, dead, amazing poets...
But you don't seem to be dead to me...
Which might just make this
BRILLIANT
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love that word, ephemeral, it's what made me click lol I love this write of yours hun, its just stunning rhyme and all...
Tasha
ps - I think you mean "mourn" not morn?
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"each petal then in turn
could morn their dying flower"
- "mourn"
and that couplet is my favourite.
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