I warned you,
In harrowing shallow breaths
Hot against the cold skin of your neck.
My heart beat resonated through your frame,
Seeking a rhythm to compliment its own,
Some comfort in the blackness of my living room.
In the absence of a reply my lips found your throat,
Leaving salty sweet trails there,
Even as my fingernails
Burrowed through your skin in their vain attempts
To try and reach your heart.
The waxing moon,
swept you ashore in time for me to lose my reason.
I let you take control,
But I should have known:
Blood only ever complicated matters,
Coagulating possibilities in sticky black heart resin.
Besides, bleeding never eased the pain before.
Nevertheless I found it warmed your skin,
My blood.
So don't say I didn't warn you,
And please, in light of the pale sheen of sweat
That clings to both our skins,
And the blood that stains my freshly swollen lips,
Take a moment to taste
The consequences of our actions:
How does it feel to know
That you're the most reckless thing I've ever done?
I warned you.
Author notes
For the contest:
*Be yourself, don't take any-ones shit and Never Let Them Take You Alive*
A contest entry
- Awake and Unafraid. by alexandra..
1000 points, ended November 30, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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you're not your
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This was perfect. You know how you see those cliché pictures of a vampire leaning over a fainting woman in a gorgeous dress with blood dripping from his mouth? That's exactly what I see...except you put a story to it. There's reason for that image - that cliché- to exist.
Definitely well written with great vocabulary but also with emotion and feeling.
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Very descriptive piece here, another fantastic poem from a talented poet. I would say that "Hunter" is my best of the entries you have shown me, but having said that, they are all brilliant.
Good luck in the contest xx -
Beautiful writing, well crafted. Your 3 closing lines are perfect.
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I like this, a lot and a lot and a lot.
I can't see much wrong with it, you can spell[mostly], punctuate, use description and imagery &christ, you can write. Well.
Only mistakes: Coagualting - Coagulating
Rythm - Rhythm
I love the lines "Coagualting possibilities in sticky black heart resin.
Besides, bleeding never eased the pain before."
You can write exceptional well, and reading the comments it seem to be your first write like this.
I would love to see more of your pieces in this style.
goodluck,
~x~
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Typos... they'll kill you everytime. Thanks for the heads up! And I'm glad you like it!
Thanks again!
Always,
V!
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Ohhh, this is lovely. It's dark and sexy but without being blatantly obvious. Very nice.
I particularly liked the warning being reiterated throughout the piece and you have great skill with adjective use. Very descriptive.
All in all, I am impressed as you mentioned that this is your first attempt with writing in this style. I'd love to see what you can produce once you are a bit more comfortable
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Very very wild lass...
i really got lost in this read....
it felt dangerous and very exciting to read.
I would let this stand how it is...
in fact I insist.
You were so kind to read my work...
help yourself to more...they like the attention...lol..
i will be sure to read more....
very intriguing......
bless you
little gypsy,
Lowell
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a very good write. so lovely and dark and it says so much without actually coming right out and saying it. i also sense a little sexual tension in here also. you have such talent thank you so much for sharing
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great description and wording..somehow theres an metaphoric feel to this piece in every sense
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Thanks! I've never written anything like this before, and I am still pretty unsure as to how I feel about it. :/
Always,
V
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