There are tiny tears withheld upon
a maple in the morn
and I should be so cavalier
to rise before the dawn
just to see the bosom boughs
weighted down by cold
the kindling of all things to come
as winter's hands unfold
and I will touch eternity
the fountain of their veins
each time I sit beside a tree
beneath November rains
where every ring of aging worth
a story's gently sewn
and it may teach you more of man
than any book has known
That tree whose leaves are trembling now
in seasonal defeat
will soon release the wine-cups
that my lips shall gently greet.
Author notes
Prompt: Trees
A contest entry
- Trees by Frodofan.
525 points, ended December 4, 2008, 10 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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Ive been reading a lot of your work, and this one really stood out to me, maybe because it is november, and winter is apon us. The rhyme is perfection, the imagery is vivid...what else can I say? It's an amazing piece! Well done!
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Very enjoyable
Loved the rhyme but the story was great
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I really think this is beautiful. I love the rhymes and I love the description, but it is grammatically flawed in the first stanza which confused me through the whole thing. Re-reading it, however, I see it is only the first stanza that needs to be adjusted.
In the first line you start in the past tense. Suddenly, in the second line, you switch.
Should it not be, "And I was so cavalier?"
Or you could switch the first line to, "There ARE..."
Thanks for entering. It is otherwise lovely and I wouldn't change a thing. Thank you for entering.
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Beautiful
This is such a beautiful take with the prompt. I really like the way you express "a story's gently sewn and it may teach you more of a man than any book has known" All the best in the contest, Michele
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Magnificent flow that carries one easily in this softness to the end. Where one may find a pleasurable taste. Best to you.
Mouser
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That is so lovely. Perfect rhythm and flow.
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