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First Love

Under a sapphire sky, desires salivate  
as curious fingers graze along virgin thighs

The humid air thickens with each heavy breath
upper lips drip with the condensation of thirst

The symphony of heart-beats linger deeper
as if wrapped in a lucid dream of effervescent love


Clasp tightly to me through the rise of our passion
I've fallen in the waters of sexual rapture

A contest entry

Im still revising this piece. Constructive criticism is welcome

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Comments

1 - 13 of 13
  • The D O M
    December 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    VEry subtly erotic, quite delicious in fact! Thank-you for a lovely entry.

    The D O M


  • StormGoddess Greeters member
    December 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very erotic in a classy way. Awards a sensual heat that stirs the depths of the soul. Nice!

    Thank you for entering and good luck.
    Storm


  • Mykeee
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    love the feel of this. its sensual and smooth. not jumping at you but really seducing you to read on. Very well done. Good luck in the contest


  • Gulfbreeze
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Saucy!

    very nice
    "The humid air thickens with each heavy breath
    upper lips drip with the condensation of thirst"
    all the best to you in this contest.


  • going nowhere
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow.... what a way to start my morning. the words you choose make my heart flutter and want to be in the moment. hope this does well for you.


  • Scyphon
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The symphony of heart-beats linger deeper

    What an exquisite line. I was drawn deep within the poem. Gorgeous penning, best of luck to you in your contest

  • ea silver member
    November 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This winds up nicely with those two final lines.


  • A63-Angel
    November 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh, hot stuff here!! beautifully written and enjoyed reading it.


  • DolceVito gold member
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    WOW

    Just stunninnig

  • Gulfbreeze
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Excellently Romantic and Seductive! Well done, I wish you all the best.
    "Clasp tightly to me through the rise of our passion
    I've fallen in the waters of sexual rapture "
    It was very hard not to put the whole poem in here.



  • jacklyn
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    wow

    absolutely, positively, wonderful!


  • Jeremy0826 silver member
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, so beautiful and sensual!
    Lovely work here my friend and good
    luck to you with this one!




    Jeremy0826

1 - 13 of 13