The young Metamorphi looks up to the moon
Its full and gold as it reflects from the sea
The sound of a siren singing echos in the wind
It has no effect on her as she can copy its voice
The sound of a horse snorting comes from behind her
Her colt trots up behind her standing in the shallow sea water with her
She leans back against him as he puts a head over her shoulder
Gently and silently she traces her fingers down his muzzle
They both listen to the sea's ebb and tide flow
The small waves crash around their feet
The Golden moon reflecting the sun just after it has set
It throws the light across the water
The water alive with mysteries and the unknown
The girl and the Colt enjoy the peace
They are one with the wind and rest together
A contest entry
- Fantasy Writers....un-sheath your pens of fire! by FlamesDragoness.
1500 points, ended December 23, 2008, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
day dreams on a warm afternoon
Comments
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Really cool
Images, love the story quality of it.
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I agree..what a lovely imagery, so tender and warm..we
could feel the breath of the muzzle and it did bring up
the memories of my horse and our dear friendship when
I was young...lovely, writing!
thankyou for your entry!
flamesdragoness
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your writing
seems to incorporate better images and emotions. You almost took me there. The only thing that I missed was the last 'superb image'. The one of her mounting her horse and flying on the beach sand just skirting the edge of the incoming sand. The power of motion lends more drama to a quiet, peaceful story of owner and animal. The name and description of the main character and the horse would help to cement the image in the mind. Overall, I see a large improvement in your writing. You are going deeper each time with more emotional pull.
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