cassandra.

i know that patience
is key.
temperance told me.
so i resist the urge to run right back into your arms
(because i know you'd just
let me go and leave me spinning in your absence
like a toy top)
and i put on my headphones
and i crank the volume
way, way up
and drown out every thought
that says your name.
time will be my ace in this,
my upper hand.

i know that timing is everything.
for example:

i knew when the time came
to use the knife.
my addiction to you was like a thick layer
of skin
grown between us
and even if you were too strong
to admit it
i wasn't.
until that day
when i cut myself from you
and staunched my own blood flow
myself.
i maybe should have done it
better.
put more thought into the distance.
but it did the job
and it may seem crazy, but
when i see your pictures
i see me in your eyes

and i know that you miss me, that you were thinking of me when the flash snapped.

i know that you're spending time with her.
i thought it would bother me
but the truth is, it doesn't hurt at all.
i know that when it comes down
to it
you will be kissing her
or maybe she'll be saying she loves you
and you'll think, all of a sudden,
"what am i doing here."
and you will see everything about her
that isn't me
and you're going to need me
in that moment.

i know that you won't tell me that moment ever happened.
but i know you'll be wishing on stars for me
when she's right beside you
whether you're too proud to admit it
or not.

i know that when the time comes
i will know that it's right
and i will come back to you
come back for you
and take you like a dare.
you won't say how much you've wanted me
but you won't have to.
i know it now
so i will know it then, too.
we'll slide right back into the
patterns of our summer nights, making out in your car,
and she will slide from your thoughts
and i will grab the memories
of your time spent
with her
and cast each one into the sky
with your lips
pressed to my heart.