Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Needle Freedom

This aching pressure has engulfed my spirit,
needle freedom is shut down after formaldehyde was pushed into my virgin veins.
My eyes bleed just to see you one last time,
as crimson poison blood flows down my cheeks and the darkness consumes the sun.
As the Nurse begins to feel sorry for Deaths tough job,
my angst fuels the fear engraved in life's pure heart.

This aching pressure has engulfed my spirit,
as crimson poison blood flows down my cheeks and the darkness consumes the sun.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Immortal Obscurity gold member
    November 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think this is lovely; you have an amazing vocabulary, and the imagery hooks your reader on every word; it definitely left me, as a reader, craving more of your brilliance.

    Just a tip for you: Personally, I think this would look better broken-up into smaller stanzas. It looks a lot cleaner, plus it's easier to process that way, at least for me.

    Well done & thanks for entering!


  • Wandering Woodchuck silver member
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very gory imagery done in a poetic manner. I enjoyed this short write. Great job.

    Mike


  • Uniquely-Scarred
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like this : my virgin veins best of luck in the contest


  • lovesky
    November 20, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    A very painfully dark piece!
    Great write!


  • KayJay
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A dark entry, to be sure... very emotional and filled with pains reflections... Well done and best of luck.
    Ken

1 - 5 of 5