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Rosa

Rosa, my love, where have you been?
My heart has been searching for you.
Come to me Rosa!
The wind is gathering its strength,
While the snow pondering its coldness.
Your thorns have torn many hearts asunder
Blood dripping unto the wet snow.
But I, Rosa, did not run from you.

It is cold outside.
Last night snows’ forming icey frame
Around my window.
I can’t see you anymore, standing tall and bright.
Come inside Rosa, and let me rub some attar of rose
On your smooth skin.
Let me count your petals
Five.

Five days of winter
I sat and waited for you.
“She loves me, she loves me not”
Oh Rosa, what have I done wrong?
Have I not gotten you red to show you love and passion?
White for affection?
Pink for sympathy?
Yellow for caring?
Peach for desire?
Oh Rosa, what fine lobes you have
Sometime you are wild, playing with hearts.
Let’s sit by the fireplace and watch the snow fall.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • Catie Sheeran gold member
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    beautiful piece you have penned here.
    Lovely

  • StarGrrl
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Here are some things I would change. I just wrote it how it would look so you can compare:

    Rosa, my love, where have you been?
    My heart has been searching for you.
    Come to me Rosa!

    The wind is gathering its strength,
    While the snow ponders its coldness.
    Your thorns have torn many hearts asunder
    Blood dripping unto the wet snow.
    But I, Rosa, did not run from you.

    It is cold outside.
    Last night snows’,
    forming icey frames
    Around my window.

    I can’t see you anymore,
    standing tall and bright.
    Come inside Rosa,
    and let me rub some attar of rose
    On your smooth skin.
    Let me count your petals
    Five.

    Five days of winter
    I sat and waited for you.
    “She loves me, she loves me not”
    Oh Rosa, what have I done wrong?

    Have I not gotten you red to show you love and passion?
    White for affection?
    Pink for sympathy?
    Yellow for caring?
    Peach for desire?

    Oh Rosa, what fine lobes you have
    Sometime you are wild, playing with hearts.
    Let’s sit by the fireplace and watch the snow fall.

    Basically I just broke it up a bit so it reads a little slower and makes it easier on the eyes. Other than that, all I changed was your description of window frame. You said "Ice frame around my window." I said - icey frames around my window.

    Anyhow, that was all I was thinking when I said about the critical comment. Good luck in the contest!


    • heavenskyy
      November 20, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      decided to change the icey but keep the format the way it is.. thanks thought.


  • Worth Standing For
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    so elegant,
    i really feel an adoration for the beauty of roses right now and i never have


  • Rhythm Child
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    great entry
    thanks for taking part, wishing you luck would be an insult to your talent so take care

    message me for anything
    Billy (Rhythm Child)

  • StarGrrl
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good write! I liked the way you portrayed Rosa as a Rose to go with the theme of the contest. Good write. Some things I would change, but you have not requested a critical comment so, I keep them to myself. Keep Writing!

1 - 8 of 8