Our song is a mountain top
Followed by the sea’s abyss
it’s a shot of good tequila
it’s drowning in a long hot kiss
Our song is a rocket ship
conquering the universe
It’s holy water so pure and deep
you feel your whole soul immerse
Our song is Africa
walking on the wild side
It’s a shoot um up; crash um up movie
It’s a bucking bronco ride
Our song is a symphony
The Crescendo throbs against the door
it’s racing in a funny car
can’t you feel the engines roar
Our song is shooting stars
filling up the midnight sky
it’s come on baby one more time
it’s pleasure ‘til you almost die
Our song is a lightning storm
Waves crashing on the shore
Thunder roaring; clouds ignite
Needing just a little bit more
Author notes
I really like "Our Song" by Taylor Swift but I couldn't help thinking it's so tame. That just doesn't fit what I would write if I was telling my Joe what "Our Song" is. I had jotted down a few lines, but never finished this. Thank you for giving me a reason to.
A contest entry
- RHYMING TO YOUR FAVORITE SONG!!!!!! by cbsbecm88.
550 points, ended November 29, 2008, 17 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
constructive criticism is desired
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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i liked this a lot!
Title-9 obviously makes sense...i would have liked a little bit of a change up but at least i knew what you were righting about right away!
Flow-9 i feel like a broken record i keep saying it was choppy in some places! but yours was only one particular place i remember other than that just a tad choppiness here and there!
Rules-10 to my knowledge you followed the rules!
Creativity-9.5 i loved the spin you put on the original song, adding more adventure!
Song-9.5 you were one of the few to actually write about the song in a way that i knew it was based off of it! great job!
Total-47
great job and thanks for entering!!! -
This reminds me of a poem i wrote titled red letters. expressing your love in a light hearted way. really liked this, an easy, pleasurable read, flows very well. no faults that i can perceive.
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Wow nice write!!
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I am pleasantly surprised here! I was half afraid of an emo write. Thank you for a refresing ride! I'm not sure I understand the Crescendo against the door....oh wait
. Well done!
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Aww...I love it! The images you write are so vivid, and it's such a sweet poem.
Just one thing: it's spelled "lightning" in the last stanza.
It makes me almost want to be a romantic again. =] -
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Thank you I fixed it. I'll have to admit that I'm not always the best speller. (My Dad couldn’t read until I was an adult and my mom will keep you laughing with her attempts to spell. But they were wonderful parents in so many ways that it was a good trade off.) Those are the kinds of errors I’m always hoping others will point out. If you find any others please let me know.
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