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Surrounded by the Mists

The bleakness of my days
Seen through the hollow eyes
Where my every nightmare
Decide the fate of my existence
I walk this plane
Shrouded by mist and shadow
As emptiness veil my summers
With every stride,
I tread through my broken dreams
As the aching beat of my heart
Echoes my pain to the heavens
Bewailing the torment of my soul!

Author notes

http://i38.tinypic.com/5mn8qt.gif

A contest entry

what do you think?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments


  • Rinoasis
    December 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I think it would be better if the text was white instead of black because it's a bit hard to read it against the dark background. I think the first sentences kinda state the obvious but the ending was better because you could really feel her pain.

    Thanks for entering my contest!
    Blessings,
    ~Moonchild