drunken relaspe

Am I suppose to feel

So lost & so confused?

I guess to you, I'm lost

I picked up again, I used.



But right now I feel content

And it's ok I ate

Ana resigned from my thoughts

Who cares if I gain weight?



After awhile you don't feel pain

You don't taste the bitter reality

So you don't crave death

But this addiction claims fatality.



Left alone to my own devices

I see truth beneath the lies

And I'm fueled by my insecurities

Eternally ugly in these eyes.



This remedy produces false perceptions

"I am a frail twig"

But I come to realize

That I'm just a gluttonous pig.



Yes this is me

I accept that I'm a failure

I can not stay abstinent

For there is no cure



I don't want to be miserable

My life to be rearranged

I don't want to extract the familiar

As your asking me to completely change



But what if I'm already doomed?

For God can't even save me

And all I want to do is escape

From reality set me free!


1:04am 19oct2008