Didn't know it was like this.
Forgot the twist of innards, the rushing blood
That the sight of you incurs.
And I was growing used to mediocrity.
It's past time to choose:
Take a step, forward or back.
I'll dive off the cliff.
That's all I'm doing is falling, falling faster--
A quest for rock bottom.
And you must be it.
Who knew it tasted this good, felt this smooth?
Who knew I'd burn? Oh, God, it burns!
I won't tell them, but I'll tell you
(What would you do, anyway?)
I'm looking for pain.
I wish you weren't rock bottom.
I wish you were flying.
I wish you were a goal, not me giving up.
Giving up morality in pursuit of something more memorable.
Fuck it, I want to fuck you.
And we'll lie together in the rocky filth
Admiring the top of the mountain together,
Knowing full well a place that high wasn't meant for us.
Suck it, I want to suck you.
I can hear their echoes
Rumbling in this Valley of Death we've created.
Even at the bottom they're trying to save me.
Dash my heart against the shards
of rock and dirt and petrified shit.
You're looking at me expectantly,
But they're calling my name, summoning me from you.
Let me roll around in my own personal hell.
Let me create a few scars, bruise my sense of self.
If I ain't never seen the bottom of the world,
How will I know if I ever reach the top?
Author notes
I wrote 90% of this drunk at four in the afternoon.
I know there isn't much in the way of organization or linear thought. I apologize. Let me know if you know how I can fix it.
Most certainly un-finished.
A contest entry
- Mm'kay. It's Free-verse Time :] by Sunkissed xo.
400 points, ended February 19, 68 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think...
Comments
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wow.. very powerful poem!! very well done on this one.. i was interested the ENTIRE time.. fantastic work!
thanks for entering! and best of luck in the contest!!
Your Co-Judge,
-Lemon Bee-
xx -
Extremely real, awesome.
I like the way the words are deliberate but chaotic too. It makes it seem more like thoughts, that's completely how my brain is when I'm upset, or at the point where I've given up hope of feeling better. I like that you can feel the emotional overload that drives you to a point where all you can do is greet the hard surface of reality, which we try so hard to ignore. The sense of desperation, in the playing it off like you don't care. Does any of this make any sense? Anyway I like it a lot. I hope things get better for you, take care.
~Erin
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Excellent
This was a very strong piece, Heather. It definitely fits in with the seemingly common theme of your life right now. I felt it through your words.
I could not tell that you were drunk when you wrote this...(if that's a compliment). However, I was taken out of it at the "thank you very much" section in line 7. I think I understood what you were trying to do, but it didn't seem to fit as well as everything else did.
I liked the up and down imagery (top, bottom, high, rocky, etc.) a lot.
I think you know how I feel about this already, but just as a reminder:
Be careful. 30 minutes of pleasure is not worth months/years of pain.
Call me a hypocrite, but who else would know better? -
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I think I know how I'm going to handle everything. We can talk Saturday.
Oh, and I was thinking about removing the 'thank you very much', so I'm glad you brought that up
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