The Words You May Not Hear.

My Dearest Baby Girl,

I'm writing this down, hoping one day you will read it, understand it, and perhaps better understand me as well because of it. It's a message of love and clarity, or the clarity of the love that I feel in my own heart. Read it only if you truly want to know. I'm not making any guarantees as to how this will read, only that every word is as honest and as sincere as it can ever hope to be.

Baby, most of the time it seems like I've loved you all my life. Yet on others it feels like met only yesterday, two strangers on the tram, just hoping to get where we were going with a minimal amount of fuss. I remember when we met, the vibrancy that lived in your eyes and the glow that surrounded you. I knew that you meant the world to me even then, yet I didn't know another single thing about you.

When you walk into a room, I still get giddy after all this time. Your smile lights the day far better than the sun, and the warmth you give in the dark keeps me as warm as a baby in the womb.  I crave you when you are not near and long for you to be, while at the same time, I am comfortable in your absence. I miss you terribly, of course, but I know you are there, wherever you are, thinking of and missing me, too.

Your lips bear the nectar of fruits unrealized in this world, a salty cross of the sweet and the sublime. To dwell within your kiss is to come alive at every nerve with a sense of wholeness and completion. If ever I kiss another, may my lips rot and fall from my face, scarring me that I may never know the love of another.

But lately, I've sensed a change in you. A distance in our oneness that seems so real, yet if I ask it always "You're nuts", or "You're just imagining things". Am I? Do you really feel the way you say you do? You've never clearly explained the how and why, and I know that after all this time, I shouldn't wonder, but I do. What did I do to deserve this most magnificent luck in the world in having you to call my own? Why do you love me so, as you profess to do? Does it bother you that I have these silly fears even now?

Well, Baby Girl, I guess that's all I have for now. You'll wake soon, and I still have to debate giving you this. I don't want you to think that I have any fear of losing you, but when your world is lying next to you, and you think you might not be good enough for it, you worry.

Just know that I love you more every day, even after all these years and that I always will. My angel and keeper of my heart you shall always be. If ever I falter, or don't live up to the promises made, please, let me know. Don't ever let me be the absent-minded one who loses everything, for the absence of something.

As I close, and your eyes flutter, I think of the sun. I go out on the patio and watch it rise, praying that I'll never need to watch it without knowing you are there by my side. Sleep well, wake happy, and if you don't mind, just let me keep loving you.

With all that I am,

D