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insignificance in the eyes of a stranger

here i am
tearing my hearts to pieces
just to turn emotion into words
writing in my own blood
dyeing my phrases with lines of red
does that mean nothing?

here i am
picking my soul apart
as a vulture does with carrion
to find the purest strands of shattered senses
at the cost of life's fragile pulse
does that mean nothing?

here i am
to see unfeeling eyes glance half-a-second
steel fingers flicking me away
crimson pooling on cold tabletop for half price
Alice reborn as i drown in tears
does that mean nothing?

here i am
watching you watching them
now feeling, now silent
tide of hope ebbing, flowing without pattern, without harmony
trapped, helpless, suffocating in the ocean of your eyes
does that mean nothing?

here i am
does that mean nothing?

Author notes

Contesty note-yness: Hope this was something vaguely along the lines of what you wanted.
I know it's not exactly Shakespeare, but here it is, sister of mine. ^.^

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • Reanna Eryn
    March 23
    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful, lovely.

  • poets whisper silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    nice job. the use of the words now feeling now silent I think was a bit much repetition and if you could eliminate one of the now's it might be better.


    • AllThatRemains
      February 16
      Edit | Reply
      It might flow along better, yes, but personally I like the effect. -shrug- Ah well.
      Thank you.


  • daviscth silver member
    February 10

    Edit | Reply
    I like how you used the same lines for the first and last line of each stanza. And then to use them for the last verse is really creative.Poems like this capture the readers attention. Thanks for sharing in my contest.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    I think it's human nature to torture ourselves in many ways. It's kind of like a sacred reality we have.


  • nobodys-girl
    January 2

    Edit | Reply
    wow i love this. the title really caught my attention and the poem held it. thank you so much for entering my contest and best of luck!

  • YourTruestIntention
    November 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oh and also:

    here i am
    watching you watching them
    now feeling, now silent
    tide of hope ebbing, flowing without pattern, without harmony

  • YourTruestIntention
    November 24, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    your ending is SO good. it tied everything together beautifully. and the lines "here i am
    to see unfeeling eyes glance half-a-second" were really effective too. definitely felt them.


  • broken-colours
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love the form of this poem. The repeated phrases give them more emphasis overall. And the harsh imagery is gorgeous. Brilliant job, sister of mine.


  • samantha jean
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow - amazing. I love how you wrote "does that mean nothing?" as the last line of each stanza.
    More than powerful.
    Also, the title is just perfect. Wonderful job.

1 - 15 of 15