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bucket






i made a sound
by the riverbeds,
holding on to a pale
my father gave me
for comfort,
thinking about
the ashes
inside your cheekbones.

Morning
usually does not allow
for such thoughts
because her ghost does
not live upon my face
or within
my stomach,

so the thought
always fades
in to my breathing,
vibrating a body
to the sound
of a military drum.

Morning knows
my pale is broken
but still i try
to bisect the sunshine
for long enough
to divert attention
from long
asthmatic breaths
in the ripples
that my eyelids
once left behind
in the rain.

My childhood will
always remain
in this lagoon

but i am only here
waiting for the
feeling
to come back
in to my cold veins
lying untouched
within the bird's nest.

If only sadness
had a mantra
i could sing,
that had the possibility
of repairing

the cracks
on my forehead,

i would have never broken
this morning child,

nor have stood
on the life
of a raindrop
at night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • sheltered
    January 5
    Edit | Reply
    stanza four. yup
    dat's da bestest


  • internal heights
    December 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Dang man that ending was fantastic. Seriously those three stanzas were just an epic close to an already impressive poem. The first stanza is amazing too... geez man this whole thing is. I don't even know what to say other than "go you!"


  • sailor ptolema
    December 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    .


  • Age of Rain
    December 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well, I hate to be repetitious. But I agree with Melissa on this one. Down sides and up. Lovely work though. Looking forward to reading more of you

  • Melissa Gayle gold member
    December 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    The only real crit I have is the thought in stanza two and then again in stanza three, I just feel like its not needed twice.

    I do believe the 'morning knows' stanza is my favorite.

    This is so well done


  • Rembrandt Clarke
    November 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i feel you sort of shifted your style a little with this piece, taken a more 'classical' approach and imagery.

    i really liked the line of singing the mantra of sadness, or the life of a raindrop at night, beautiful lines that i really enjoyed.


  • Never Fall in Love
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    "but still i try
    to bisect the sunshine
    for long enough
    to divert attention
    from long
    asthmatic breaths"

    It feels so different from what you usually write - experimenting? But damn, I love this.

    You don't give the competition a chance, do you?


  • nancy drew
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    oye mikey! way to blowaway the readers!


    i loveeeeee the word lagoon.

    helen~


  • iverbthenoun
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply


  • notorious
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Good bad god!!!

    "because her ghost does
    not live upon my face
    or within
    my stomach,

    so the thought
    always fades
    in to my breathing,
    vibrating a body
    to the sound
    of a military drum."
    !!!
    !!!
    !!!
    Best use of 'breathing' in the world...hell, best anatomy references ever. "her ghost" Lovelovelovelovelovelove. Fuck this is good.

    "nor have stood
    on the life
    of a raindrop
    at night."
    jesus christ man.
    I love these last 4 lines so much.
    They're...damn...beautiful

    Jessica



  • divebar
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    damn it. i have to out do this. belencia invited too many awesome poets. lol


  • acoustical
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    totally agree with pu

  • vertigo beat
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    -the ashes
    inside your cheekbones.
    very haunting, yet beautiful image.

    -My childhood will
    always remain
    in this lagoon
    and this.

    and many more. i am not sucking up.


  • autarky
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i love that ending!

1 - 14 of 14