i am now empty without pain,
i am only numb and can stare into the abyss,
i can only go on with lifeless eyes straight in front of me,
go on and continue to ignore all of this.
i will take no more notice to what you did,
how you pulled my heart from my chest,
ignoring my screams of pain and fearful cries,
just because you thought it would be best.
i will take no more notice to any of it,
and i will try and ignore the empty space.
i will act like i feel nothing when i feel everything
everytime i think of your perfect face.
i will go on living without really living,
because i have no strength left in me to excist.
i will be the true meaning of living death,
i will be all of this because you insist.
A contest entry
- Round 1 Are you good enough? by DarkShard.
900 points, ended March 31, 2009, 41 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Amazing
This really shows some of the details of heartbreak. This is the worst pain a person can endure, great job
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this is all very sad...a real feel of hopelessness. I hope things start to look up for you soon...I liked how well you are able to get your feelings across in this piece...peace and light, kp
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nice
I like the write, very moving, sad, and true. I especially like the part that says....ignoring my screams and cries, just becuz u thot it wuld b best...wow that so relates to wut so many peeps do when they see someone hurting and in pain, I kno in ur write this person intentionally chose 2make the decision, not to care-but it md me think lots of other peeps care but don't ever express their concern, simply cuz dey don't kno how? So instead, they don't say a word, and never kno if that word could have made a lifechanging diff?? I lk your write, really md me think. sorry 2ramble-look forword 2 reading more:}
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"because i have no strength left in me to excist." In this line excist should be exist.
Other then that one mistake that I saw I really enjoyed it but I have a suggestion and that is it break it into individual stanzas. Thank you for sharing -
This is so sad, I feel so much pain in each line. You truly get your feelings over very well.
Cherry xxxx
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"i will be the true meaning of living death,
i will be all of this because you insist."
I absolutely love this poem! The emotion in this screamed out at me. And your imagery was simple, but great (:
The only thing I have to critique is that the word exist is misspelled. Other than that none.
Great job on this write!
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Great theme, I loved the way you handled it, imagery the lot. What i hated about your poem is you uncapped I's! I hope it was deliberate if so state it in your an's becasue it gave your poem a negative start, It says to me that someone didn't bother to present their work with capitals, punctuation and spelling.
is it deliberat, if so \i am intrigued, if not please fix it
becasue it can make so much difference to you and the person who wants to read your work.
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Okay... Wow, so this is obviously too late to add. Sorry... I like, just checked this comment. A month later. I'm a loser. Lol. But um... On my poem, "Shattered" that I entered into your contest forever ago, you wanted to know if there was an intential reason as to why my 'i's were not capitalized... Well, yes. See, in this poem, the narrator, speaker, whatever you would like to call her, is completely shatter. She feels there is nothing left for her or of her, and she has no need to try or feel anymore. I makes her seem important, because it is capatizled. However, she does not feel important, so it was i... get it? sorry if I confused you. lol
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great job
i love this this is exacly how i feel -
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thank you for your comment! and i am sorry that you feel like this... its painful
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yites I heard of bad break ups but this is bad wanna share your thoughts and rationalates
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lol it was a painful break up... thank you for your comment
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wow. This is a great poem. Its portrays what you are feeling exactly. I love this bit the best
i will take no more notice to what you did,
how you pulled my heart from my chest,
ignoring my screams of pain and fearful cries,
just because you thought it would be best.
Great write...
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thank you for your comment!
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This is another great poem,
i will take no more notice to what you did,
how you pulled my heart from my chest,
ignoring my screams of pain and fearful cries,
I like the whole poem but these 3 lines stuck out the most time. It's very good, great write keep it up!
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awesomely sad
wow...so guess what? i just read this! lol. i really enjoyed this poem reecie, it hasa really nice choice of words (despite the misspelling!).
I especially liked this part:
i will take no more notice to any of it,
and i will try and ignore the empty space.
i will act like i feel nothing when i feel everything
everytime i think of your perfect face.
Great emotion and vivid word choice. You have really improved as a writer- I wish i could say the same for myself.
In the words of my friend Borat-
Very nice!!!
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