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Hey, Mama

Hey mama,
am I everything you wanted me to be?
Am I everything you dreamed of?
Did I turn out how you hoped I would?

Hey mama,
do you see me standing here,
with nothing in the world?
Do you see me,
crying in the rain?

Hey mama,
do I make you proud?
Do you believe you'll see my name in lights,
someday?
Mama will it break your heart,
the day we say goodbye?

Hey mama,
it's me again.
I'm calling just to check in.
I still can't tell you where I'm going,
because I know you don't approve,
of where I've been.

Hey mama,
is it just too late?
Did we burn the bridge down,
is it way too far to reach?

Hey mama,
I never wanted things to end this way,
but it's time to say goodbye.

A contest entry

Critiques?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Viyanna Rosemarie silver member
    April 6

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    this is a very sad write but one i can relate to. nothing i ever do is good enough for my mother. thank you for sharing this with me today and i wish you the best of luck in this contest you have entered. viyanna rosemarie


  • Horrific Hollis
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    I liked this. The simple rhyme was good and it had a deep feeling. It was a little vague though. I couldnt quite tell what was going on between them. All I knew was that there was something. It leaves me thinking though. And I like that. But another thing that i'm really curious about is when she says goodbye is she commiting suicide, or just simply leaving. It was generally a good poem though. Just leaves me curious. ~Hollis


  • Fire-Fly
    April 6
    Edit | Reply
    This is actually very touching, it makes me sad to read it, it's very expressive in it's simple way.

    Thanks for sharing.


  • Fire-Fly
    April 6

    Edit | Reply
    This is actually very touching, it makes me sad to read it, it's very expressive in it's simple way.

    Thanks for sharing.

  • starving-to-survive
    February 8

    Edit | Reply
    OMFG!!! i dont kow what to say. This is one of the most amazing writes i have ever read! i cant stop crying, i think it is both because i can relate to this so so well, scarily well! and because your emotion here is so strong. I know how it feels to have a mother who is ashamed of you, who hates you, and more than likely in your case for no good reason. I am so sorry that you have to go throught this. If you ever need to talk hun i am here for you.
    I think we have a lot in common.
    Thank you so much for entering my contest. You have wrote a incredible write!

1 - 5 of 5