I endeavored to try again today
Things have been so bad of late
I feel the sun's gone down for me
And through an endless night I wait
My tears full chilled by winter's wrath
Sting my burning wearied face
And of their bitter salted kiss
Two stains remain to mark their place
I tried, oh Lord, what more to do?
If there was but one word from you
To soothe my soul and heal my heart
A touch to warm me through and through
But wonders of a spiritual kind
Do not belong to such as I
A sinner, bound by actions wrong
A sinner, love, to pass me by
I looked into the waters deep
And wondered if the fall would hurt
Not quite as bad as all my pains
I mused; but life I'd soon desert
Then one last look at sky and land
Before I crossed the unknown bar
When all at once I saw his hand
As sure as evening shows a star
Two eyes so bright looked down on me
A smile that gleamed across the night
And I felt his love, so real, so near
Warming through this lonely night
It may have been a dream, a cloud
The dust just settling in my eye
But I felt my heart no more alone
For God himself was just nearby
Author notes
When there is only one set of footprints............,
A contest entry
- Endeavor - photo prompt by thelordreigns.
550 points, ended December 13, 2008, 12 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I used the picture and the word. Did you see the smile in the picture?
Comments
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Congratulations!
This such a deserving piece, so I'm thrilled that it took the silver: which always reminds me of our Lord, who tries us in the flames like silver until. . . He can see Himself in us. Way to go!
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ
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Wonderful!
Dear friend,
You have done an extraordinary job with interpreting this picture. This is why I felt such hope rise up when I found this picture!
"Two eyes so bright looked down on me
A smile that gleamed across the night
And I felt his love, so real, so near
Warming through this lonely night"
He is there smiling down on us despite our wickedness and sin. He is life and He is love - so real and so near.
Thanks so much for your entry and all my wishes for a blessed season of family, friends, and abundant life!
Love and hugs -
- joanne -
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Beautifully Written
I know that feeling and it was God Himself that took it away for me, leaving me with a feeling of being loved so incredibly deeply that it defies description.
You reveal a beautiful talent; however, I did notice a few technical issues. First, you have crafted this as a non-punctuation yet did punctuate in several places. Those need to be removed. Second, your line meters are not consistent. For Instance:
I endeavored to try again today - 10
Things have been so bad of late - 7
I feel the sun's gone down for me - 8
And through an endless night I wait - 8
This negatively affects the rhythm, flow and power of a work. My suggestion, to bring consistency to your wonderful poem, would be to either make each line the same meter A/A/A/A (which some of your stanzas are 8/8/8/8), or alternate every other line the same A/B/A/B or beginning and end the same A/B/B/A. For Instance, the following A/B/A/B, which works better with what you already have without too much change:
I endeavored to try again today - 10
Things have been so bad of late - 7
I feel that the sun has gone down for me - 10
And through endless nights I wait - 7
Then, you must keep that method consistent with each stanza. You will find the words become much more powerful, having a greater impact on the reader.
Gorgeous poem revealing our deepest hurts and mistakes, which ends on that greatest of positive notes letting all know who can change their lives.
Much love in Christ, BonnieQ
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Hi bonnie Q!
Thank you so much for your kind words and help with this poem. I will revisit it when I get some time and I'll take into acount your observations. I'm so glad you liked it. Thanks again.
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