On a dirty street,
crouching city cats hiss,
claws barely sheathed.
Smiling with fanged teeth
slanted-feline glances,
aim pointed stilettos.
Taking ciphered lists, shredded
later in consecrated effigy:
So sexy this sister,
with tight clothes clinging
to cheating curves.
Persian-blue eyes,
obviously contacts.
Another dirty trick~
long-brown-witchy hair,
probably extensions.
Her ultimate sin,
their mate's yearning desire
for this succubus.
How dare she?
With vigilantly justice
she is condemned.
Under Urban Rules,
Tom-cat libido,
pays no dues.
Sleek females, on fainting couches
groom soft black fur, with sandpaper tongues.
Purred, as thin masks
were donned on angry faces
for beauty...
Author notes
Contest Masks-Physical and Spiritual-Why we wear them? by SpiritMother
Photo credit; clip art, http//search.live.com
A contest entry
- NO GREENS! - A Rounds Contest by Pamela A Lamppa.
1700 points, ended January 20, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Options options options options theres millions of them!! by Princess Cuddle Bug.
495 points, ended December 5, 2008, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - MASKS, METAPHOR OR OTHERWISE by Uniquely-Scarred.
675 points, ended December 4, 2008, 19 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Masks-Physical and Spiritual-Why we wear them? by SpiritMother.
1000 points, ended March 26, 24 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
whatever you feel is right
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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ah my friend
one of my favorite writes of yours good luck -
interesting use of masks; to cover up, to attract, to detract, to dissuade and to self delude. One hates while wishing to be, the other is lonely seeking false companionship; Each blind to the other. And, of course, the males are completely innocent here as they are led astray
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interesting take on the prompt
Good luck
Ken
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What an amazing comment. So much of what I was feeling when I wrote this beautifully described. I recognize my feelings as I read this.
Thank you so much
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Interesting inner-play here, how we are not one thing but many, wearing artistically contrived masks. It is not always good to judge by appearances alone. And I agree the picture is very close to my avatar, the eyes speak for me. Have a wonderful Holiday.
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There is much power in this poem. You have hit hypocrisy on many levels and diverted from the obvious which is a welcome pleasure.
Some technical things though to think on and tweak if you have a moment.
Careful with using phrases for effect. I would use punctuation in complete sentences to make your lines even more powerful and flow easier when read. Such as:
In the streets,
crouching black cats
miserably hissing.
Claws barely sheathed
as the lone woman
united the clutter.
These are two phrases presenting a very powerful image. Perhaps even more powerful would be something like this:
In streets,
crouching black cats hiss miserably;
claws barely sheathed
as a lone woman unites clutter.
I feel the cloaking of truth throughout this poem and find your title quite fitting. Easy on the use of articles in your poem as the starkness of the streets will be effectively enhanced without them.
All in all, a very strong entry for this round. I will be back to peek later. Best of luck in this round. ~Pamela
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Thank you for the correction/suggestions. I appreciate your help, you teach me so much that I need to know already but am sadly lacking.
I will look at this closely, hoping to improve the message in my poem. Thank you for seeing the truth and strength in my write.
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I LIKE THE LAST PART, IT WORKED WELL BEST OF LUCK
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wow! like i really dont have the words to describe this! its really freakin good lol and so vivid! its great! i also noticed that you didnt put in your AN what option you choose.... i would try to guess but there are so many options and with options inside of options im really not sure lol so could you plese do that ASAP as this contest ends tomorrow! i thank you so much for entering!
great write my fellow poet,
good luck,
~*Princess Cuddle Bug*~ -
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Thank you for reminding me to put my AN option in the notes. I can be a bit of a space cadet when it comes to getting contest details in order.
I'm so happy this poem meant something to you, Option 1 spoke to me immediately. This is my take on a true story involving my real life sister and a bunch of cats tearing into her, then actually trying to invite me to the lynch mob.
I hissed at them and split with her.
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You told such a complete story with outstanding imagery and language. The dual standards of sexual behavior still exist in this "enlightened" society. I could picture the wives primping and spending money while the husbands pay uneducated women for favors. Very well written and a different interpretation of the prompt. Good luck in this contest. Peace, Liz
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Thank you so much, I'm sorry I didn't respond to you sooner. I've been very busy with my new grandchild's birth and care. However when I read your kind comment, know that it warmed me.
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Outstanding
This poem is full of strong and unexpected imagery that brings her to life in front of our eyes. I particularly liked:
Their well fed mates
grooming soft black fur
with sandpaper tongues.
I also liked the way you used a question:
How dare she?
to engage the reader. Made me stop and think. Over all an intriguing poem full of stark metaphors. Best of luck in the contest.
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Wow, I'm so glad you liked my poem. I drew upon some events that happened a few months ago that angered me. The sanctimonious judgments and jealousy of a group of beautiful women acting like cats.
Thanks for your comment.
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Very vivid.
It reminded me of Jack the Ripper.
I like the way you form the last verse as it stops me and makes me think...are they lonely? In their hearts I think they might be.
I love the comparison between the woman and the cats.
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You honor me with your attention and your kind comment, Thank you.
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thumbs up
love it love it love it
sexy sister
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Thank you dear friend, I'm grateful for your love.
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This is fantastic and you are so darn feminine!
“to cheating curves”
“Another dirty trick”
“probably extensions”
LOL, all that’s missing is the mention of silicone implants and tasteless shoes.
Fantastic write my friend!
Love,
Amera♥
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Amera you pretty kitty, how purrrfectly wonderful that you like it.
Thanks so much!!!
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