A Torn Heart's Cry

I prayed to God tonight, to take me out,
To stop the pain, so I wouldn't shout,
I asked him earnestly, in every breath,
I asked him simply to grant me death.

I meant every word I said,
My heart is made of lead,
Poisoning my blood,
Turning my mind to mud,

Without love I said I have no reason,
No purpose to survive even this season,
A pain so great I am completely consumed,
A pain to which I must have been doomed.

I asked God to take my heart from my chest,
To stop this pain within my breast,
I wanted death, and nothing less,
To relieve this pain I can't express.

Death has not come, I sit here still,
Brimming grief and anguish I need to spill,
I don't have words, its all inside,
In not a soul can I confide.

It would be so easy, so simple and plain,
To load the gun, twitch my finger and end my pain,
But I know that it would end her too,
With a single bullet, I would kill two.

I must let go, this much I know,
Let her live and let her grow,
While I drag on from day to day,
And watch myself in time decay,

This empty anguish, from the deepest soul,
Instead of my heart, a great gaping hole,
Bleeding my life's will and resolve,
All at once I completely dissolve.

Yes, I walk, I talk, work, maybe laugh,
But that is in truth just my other half,
Empty eyes you will see if deeply you look,
As blank as the cover of an untitled book,

From a puppeteer's strings I hang in the day,
No word or expression from me will betray,
Walking but dead, alone in the world,
My life through the window outside has been hurled.

I can't let my thoughts stray to the one that I loved,
If I do I am burned like a hand left ungloved,
To burn in earnest, to burn till I die,
Would be a relief to the pain in my soul that I sigh.

But live on I must, with God's help I shall,
I will push on, try to keep my morale,
I will always hope, though she may not believe,
I will keep faith, to that hope I must cleave.