Stuck between time and space
[I think somewhere in my own mind
I don't know though; it's awful dark here]
Little pieces floating around
[I think they're pieces of me
I don't know though; it's awful dark here]
I can't really see
[But is there anything to see?
I really can't tell; it's awful dark here]
Will people remember me?
[Did I ever exist in the first place?
I can't really tell; it's awful dark here]
Author notes
it's not one of my best pieces, but it's there.
Shuttled Into Oblivion; Vanished into my own mind
A contest entry
- shuttled into oblivion by Melissa Gayle.
1000 points, ended December 2, 2008, 10 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - round one (for everyone) prewrite contest ENTER ENTER ENTER (AND YES THAT MEAN'S YOU too by serenity silvermoon.
927 points, ended February 16, 1509 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
-
The repetition of 'awful dark in here' is unneeded, your piece isn't long enough where it could benefit.
I would have preferred instead of asking the questions, telling me in a different way - use imagery and feed one image into the next.
Still thank you for your entry.
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