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Bleach on Stone

I said to her that I
only used bleach
to clean white
things

she said to me that
they used bleach

to clean the stains
my wound had
left on the concrete ground
that stone slab onto
which we
let leaking oil drain from
the car

when I close my eyes
I hear the ticking the
trickle of liquid from the
car

and when I open them it
is not
oil which
trickles and hits the
stone there

it is not oil.

A contest entry

What did you think the meaning was behind this?

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • sweet arrival gold member
    July 24

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    that last line punched hard. i loved the repetition there. it made the impact stronger.

    sometimes we see things one way, and no matter what, it is hard to think differently unless it is proven. the smell of bleach, the cleansing of it all... just made me think of others scrubbing and scrubbing trying to remove a stain they wanted no one else to view...

    maybe the times we think we dont leave an impression, we actually do... and not always the one we think,
    no, not the one we think.


  • righteousme
    April 7

    Edit | Reply
    i think you were dying all the while ... just waiting for someone else to notice ...


    i notice . or not . depends if you want me to ...


  • Chelse-Oh
    November 21, 2008

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    Well, I really do not know what the overall message of this poem is. But I interpret it as bleach, cleaning white, pure things, making all the stains disappear and then you talk about oil, which is quite the opposite of pure and white. It is definitely something to do with opposites and cleansing and dirty things. Be it you're talking metaphorically or literally.
    I liked this piece a lot, great job. ~chelsey


  • Plastic Dreams
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    the idea of bleach transferring from nice clean imaginable things to the unthinkable dread of closely knit death is well monitored.


    and the blood weeps down to the ground for those who see nothing more than cleaner scenes.


    well written. suspense fills in the slips of my mind


  • lillypilly
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    hmmm

    i do like this... but its hard to get a good sense from it either way i like it

1 - 5 of 5