life is no kick
neither is death or the attempt there of..
I lay still and paint the hours a dull blue,
the walls of my silent asylum.
freedom on my mind and out of my grasp.
the mirror on the wall reflects how i've let go..
into nothingness
and syndication
snoozing past caring
humiliation in my isolated state
I come undone every night into dreams
and wake to the repetition of lost laughter
Author notes
i was gonna add to this poem.. does it seem done to you?
what do YOU think?
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Short and to the point and thats why I like this though its said but true,
many can relate and so can I, been to that point at times but than you look upon the world and try to find at least something or someone that gives you hope in another you , you hope will bring joy. wow this was thought provoking and we all get into these moods but than I see we all find ourselves out and moving on , thanks was a very well written short and to the point write.
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I've been here many times in my life, I think a lot of us can relate, tragically beautiful
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Wow, it is powerful for being undone.
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aight. seems a lot of people liked this poem. i think it's done but i honestly wasn't interested until the line that starts: "into nothingness...." that's where i really started to like it. i think that verse is pretty fucking brillant. but the first part it says 'I' too many times. this is only my opinion. never trust someone with grammar like mine. it's terrible.
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Wow!
This is amazing. I can share the feeling- waking up to the same feeling of nothingness. It's short, but shouldn't be longer. It's wonderful. It's meaningful. It's fantastic. Excellent write. Wow
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wow i though this was great lea, great job!
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i liked this. i thought the words that you used were very clever.I love that its short and it has a real meaning so its not a pointless read. sometimes poetry is too short but im glad you know the appropriot length for a poem. its refreshing to see someone with skill and experiance. i enjoyed it!
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Great Job!
Amazing.
Its seems done to me, but I am just the reader and it cannot be done until the writer feels as if they have expressed all they wanted and intended to. -
Awesome job! I really felt the emotion behind this piece! An A+ job! Keep up the awesome work adn thanks so much for the share! I really am looking forward to reading more of your work....which I probably have already............ I read a lot of stuff on here and try to comment on everyones....Sorry for my mindless ramblings.............HAHA!!!!!
Again.....Thanks so much for the brilliant write and share! Good luck with future writes....but judging from this, you don't really need much luck!!!!!
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~**~Heroesrox~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~* -
Amazing write! This poem has become a fast favorite.
"the mirror on the wall reflects how i've let go..
into nothingness
and syndication "
I can sometimes relate, such a depressing mood yet very touching. Great job. -
I agree with her 100%
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"neither is death or the attempt there of.." - This line is strong. I like how you added 'or the attempt there of'.
"I come undone every night into dreams
and wake to the repetition of lost laughter " - The ending is perfect. If you are planning on expanding this piece, I think you should expand in the middle and keep these two lines at the end. They are very strong.
Good write.
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