Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read Contests Groups Learn Forums Store Help
 

It Grieves My Heart

Your face is my scar
plundering life,
the essence weary,
   is death but a friend?

O' dearest reminder
  bittersweet,

 till throat chokes
I was wingless

           yet flying
to the sun in your eyes;

    Burn
on the weeping,
the acid wrenched word
Love me,

      [you loved her]
just a plucked daisy girl

wishing to relapse.

Will it bring marrow
in annual recession
will I behold his heart
his smile caressed
           to my lips

Alas no!

I scream the sky,

     so cruel
turn away
  leave me be
no colors will besech these eyes
till he pry them open,
                  with hope.

Where lullabies

disintegrate

in a beautiful way,

losing meanings, understood.

 

I've felt below zero

nibbling my lungs

as tears freeze across the lands

when another year strikes new age

and the mind counts back

 

O' how time grows to the bones

I cease breathe,

   I cease movement

to see

how perfect we could have been

 

blow away

  cast away

sink away

 

he's hers

 

 

         and never mine.

Author notes

prompt 2, song title: c.) It Grieves My Heart (Draconian)
keyword(s):"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts"


*dies*

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 12 of 12

  • chilali
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Such beautiful imagery and emotions portrayed. This is one amazing write. My heart sighed as I read this. I love it. Thank you so much for your entry and good luck to you.

    Much love
    Ylova


  • Ryno
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You closing was brilliant, intense, emotional and powerful.

    I don't feel like the beginning and the middle didn't quite match up to it, but sometimes it is a good thing to go out with a bigger SHABAM.

    Nice images and some of the phrasing was really creative.

    I like your poetry very muchly.


  • Desire gold member
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    My Word~

    Is there anything You cannot write on
    Teach me
    Gosh~ I need to go back to writing school-
    Can I borrow Your brain
    Love how You versed this-
    Very Creative - had me on the edge of my seat
    from beginning to end
    Bravo yet again~
    Thank You for sharing Your Talent and Spirit~
    Many blessings to You in all You do Sweet Soul
    Best wishes in the contest too
    with much love & light~ Desire~*~


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very desolate write! I've felt this before. I don't know if death is a friend, how does anyone until it's over.. not sure I'll take the risk..

    Wonderfully written as always hun

  • Starz of Heaven gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Cries if you die Some people need to sink away to the deepest darkest ocean that is what anchors are for to push them overboard with their worthless body thanks for sharing be well.


  • hks
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    dies* lol

    i like the way you write. so original, and nice.
    really good stuff. :]

    much love,
    oldschool


    • luna-midnight gold member
      November 17, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      haha, thanks....i wrote this at school. i am always worried when i write at school


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    this is the prompt in more words then one my friend you did a great job with this, you took it and ran, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest

1 - 12 of 12