I am the awkward girl who is like a pair of un-matching socks;
One carmine and the other a deep lime green
--“Classified as peculiar"
and yet somehow,
I fancy myself bold
in all my selfless concern
when in actuality
I am a life-size ball of insecurities
and nervousness;
the type of anxiety that would be felt
if using a beehive as a piñata
I am the lost
The damned
An unpatented byproduct
the kind of girl who can sit in a crowded room
and feel utterly alone with only
the lack of their own significance
keeping them company;
--a bitter concoction of percolating jealousy
spiked with a hearty dose of humility
even as,
a not so distant part of me somehow understands
that I spend too much time analyzing granule specks
found in floor tiles and wall panels;
looking for correlations as if life is one big ink-blot
or perhaps,
I am subconsciously searching
for the visage of some savior whom I would not recognize,
giving me one more thing to set on my mental bookcase
beside a do-it-yourself guide to figurative suicide
-- an alternative to the literal ever since it turned into a fad;
adding to the rising famine of martyrs
nonetheless,
I find myself disappointedly reminded
each passing year how I am
unable to foresee life’s purpose
within autumn’s hailstorm of leaves
which makes me wonder if I should switch to
teabags and artificial sugar in order to
finally douse the smoldering embers
created from the friction of my teeth
but, perhaps
when it comes down to it,
I’m merely a simple resultant
comprising of flamboyant quirks
and nauseating fluorescents
which undoubtedly
highlight some kind of mental sickness;
a coat of many colors:
--the lead shawl of the past
Then again, who knows?
Author notes
at times i wear mix-matching socks, not caring
crowds make me nervous
people make me nervous
sometimes i am nervous
i wish i was unique like everyone else
i learned humility early on, especially when i was abandoned at 15 and had resorted to showers by a neighbors water hose at night
i suffer from depression and suicidal tendencies
i often feel insignificant due to countless yrs of abuse
i often feel envious/jealous of others happiness/content
i sometimes become detached and escape into my mind
i am plagued by the search of correlations, purpose, meaning
i am not religious, although i am interested in taosim and buddisim
i fancy myself a martyr
i am interested by abnormal practices such as tea reading- Tasseography
i grind my teeth in my sleep from stress
i consider myself quirky
i have been treated in the past for mental unstability
A contest entry
- Reader meet Author by george the 23rd.
1500 points, ended December 3, 2008, 13 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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You!
"i wish i was unique like everyone else"
That has to be the truest line in modern history. Wow, that's accurate.
Ok. I read your piece. I find your spontanious form delightful. I find your language delightful.
"sit in a crowded room
and feel utterly alone"
~Cliche in my opinion
"in order to
finally douse the smoldering embers
created from the friction of my teeth"
~ingenious.
Great poem. I'm amazed you read my work, and gobsmacked you added me as a favourite.
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Cliche, but sadly true... i guess it sorta supports the "i wish i was unique like everyone else" which I found to be the most cliche. anyways, maybe one day i will have it in me to revise that line with some sorta metaphor.
I thank you for the encouraging words and unexpected compliments.
And I added you because good poetry often inspires me.
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This is absolutely wonderful. I love it! I can definitely relate with the mental instabilities, the depression/anxiety stemmed from abuse.(been there)
Wholly entertaining as well as revealing, this deserves the attention it got and then some. Well done and congrats!
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thank you for your kind words and encouragement.
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Beautiful work here! This is a step removed from your usual style, in that it's self-analytical without ever succumbing to despair. (Not that everything you write is gloomy!) Even the author's notes could stand in for poetry. Good job, you!
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I am glad that you were able to recognize this being different from my norm. Also, I will admit this was quite a challenge to wrap my noggin around (great self-reflecting contest). I really had to come face-to-face with the difficulty at dissecting myself for others to see.
(Iol, I know most of it is gloomy
)
Since I have a habit of using a lot of metaphors I thought it best to explain the poem in further detail in the author's notes.
Thank you also for the encouraging words...they always mean the most.
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