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A Brawling Duel For The Hand of Purity (true love)

Life bashed Death in his fuckin' foul mouth

  with a broken steel blue pipe of deciphered mystery.

 

Frost bitten, star studded, chipped teeth

  fell onto midnight's precipice of true love

jutting up

from a soft lake

of eternally blessed hellfire

  lined with miracle flowers.

 

I love you shouted through a blood gurgling lisp

 

 

 

 

Author notes

word bank, the ten chosen are italicized, and yeah, its metaphorical as usual

oh yeah, something about juggling coconuts or else being exiled again.

I wasnt late for the bus this time Ylova.. yippeee LOL

real notes = true transcending love levees a heavy toll for those brave enought to endure the highs and lows of heaven and hell in their endeavors to enjoy life on thru to death and then some.

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • chilali
    December 10, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was one heck of a write! Thank you for entering and good luck to you in the contest

    Much love
    Ylova


  • badnovocaine
    November 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Ya know,
    I know that this was metaphorical but when I read this I was like YES GO LIFE, GO LIFE!!!! Because you said that life bashed death's foul mouth and so I was like geeze it's about time.....
    Anyways onto the seriousness of the write, can I say that I loved this????? I liked this a lot and the metaphors were so amazing, like ROCKED literally, this was amazing.
    Good grief you are so good at writing.
    I'm stunned.


  • marc creamore
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    F%?&?%?&*INg WILD!!!!!!!!


  • kiwigirljacks gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well damn! That's a strong write right there hun!


  • Disturbed Prodigy
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    lol, wow this is something i like this poem a lot, creative and clever my friend, keep it flowing and good luck in the contest


  • Danny Beatty gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I'm readin' iron knee here ... i figure death's got the gurgling, pipe wound here and is able to grovel forward, half conscious even though mystery is still simpering around the flowers and all ... so, give it another lick, my man, i figure a few more dollops of good sound straight forward kissing and holding hands comfortably without the uncomfy silences and ... well, you know the rest ... now as for the pond of hypocrisy grizzly as it may seem, its got some nice spanish dancers down there and maybe some old love notes and stuff ... but heck, death with the blues nice and hard and it will find its own way out of the house onto the porch and back to where it comes to ...

    so, this is kinda brilliant and let the wild pony's roll, and the fresh waterfalls of honesty will douse the murky yuk out of that pond ... ponds can fly, ya know?

1 - 6 of 6