he left a dusty dark cloud
on his way out
(an expected exit still hurts, maybe more)
and i stood in the middle of a day without morning
sunset is nothing but a moment of penumbra
as a day of funeral in a Holy Friday
cold and sad is his absence
monochrome, monotone and tasteless
yet i feel my wrists freer than ever
starting to pulse in a different pace
my fingers begin to tingle
i think it's time to create colour again
Author notes
while talking to the dancing girl...
A contest entry
- Picture Prompt... by ariazephyrzoe.
1000 points, ended November 21, 2008, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
-
Ahh we have life-my brother always says when your woman leaves celebrate-this reminds me of that thought-enjoy your style of writing looking forward to reading more,enjoyed
-
and that color is created by the end of the poem..love the immages and its flow as well..a great poem..well done...and thanks again..
-
I see this as a disolved relationship, leaving those feelings of lonliness, sadness yet a sense of relief all at the same time. Which is realistic, I think. Only you've put into wonderfully poetic words, picture or not.
A very good piece, Mariza. I should read more of your poetry
Dee
-
Great take on the picture Mariza. And Congrats on the HM. Well deserved. This was a stunning write
Much love
Ylova
-
I love the sense of transition here -- there is a very clear evolution and the reader is taken on the journey of the writer who, while sad at a loss, finds a new world awaits. There are no endings, just new beginnings.
Excellent.
Garrison.
-
"i stood in the middle of a day without morning," that's a very strong line, raises questions for me, mostly how do you know if it's the middle when there's no morning?
either way you've evoked a great "lost and found" feeling, new beginings, etc.
i like your closing line a lot, sometimes i get stuck in the grayscale too!
-
A positive take on the prompt
sunset is nothing but a moment of penumbra
as a day of funeral in a Holy Friday
I love the mechanical view on the ribbon, like it was like a tourniquet...so tight on the wrist...it's time to set free from it...
ang bring color
Mari,
Thank you for supporting me with my first contest...as you can see I am having a hard time judging...yay...lol. I never thought this would get a lot of amazing entries just like yours.
and 
Anna Lee
-
This is lovely, Mari...loved the sense of growth here..so many ways to interpret this poem, and I love it when a poem allows me that. Yes, write your story in colour - as always, girl!
~ Nicolette
-
I imagine that colours are always there and we gain and regain our ability to let them in... anyway...this is a wonderful poem, and a very strong and insightful interpretation... h
-
The mood, the setting, so drenched in gray,
the "fingers begin to tingle" contemplating
the creation of color! Ah, you probe the scene
in a most interesting manner, Mariza.
M-C
-
A 'new' journey can not start until the 'old' journey has ended...
Gone with the dark, yet bringing new light
Old put to rest as new is in sight
Past never gone but future can't hold
as footsteps now make, in direction of bold
Hugs...Eddy
-
The greatness of my humanity to others is that when I go, I leave no memory, dusty dark or otherwise. I never get proper credit for being inconsequential....
penumbra....
Did you notice that on that graphic, the words on the woman's arm, apparently it's the title of the poem. I wonder if any entrant noticed that...it seems rather pertinent.
The hands tied behind her, the words, "If you see him, say hi" scrawled on her arms...the black and white, muted, not really clear, distorted, clouded...that is her emotions, and you see that and capture it, but being an optimist you see beyond the frame of the graphic, to the future, to when the binds break and she gets that hideous sentence removed from her arm by laser surgery. and when of course color (returns.)
-
-
Hi Sir Yem,
I am amazed on how you see a lot of things in the photo. This is the best comment I read about it. I think Kevin should put up...like the best comment and give the winner something like a free Gold membership.
I am having a hard time judging admittedly.
and
Anna Lee -
-
Thank you, that was very kind of you! That's the fun thing about poetry and art and about everything in life...seeing not only the depth of the work but of the artist too. The graphic and Mariza's poem deserve the credit.
Plus I just like to type randomly on the keyboard.
-
-
Thank you, that replaces the 5 stars I didn't get this morning.
-
-
leaving you a rose and a
this is beautiful - the colors will be beautiful....
-
i think we all have our own rainbows that shine no matter what the colour is or how grey the days? yes
i love how this came out of 'dancing' conversation
most beautimous Mari
-
-
Thank you for inspiring
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 18 of 18
