i'm looking through my own fog trying to remember last night
i think you were here
the sound of the record player is making a monotonous scratching noise
i need another cigarette
it's raining and that depresses me especially when it's that light mist too much to get out and too little to cleanse my mind
and damn there's no cigarettes which means you were here because we both chain smoke after a good hot fuck so we must have done it a few times
hell I can barely tell it's raining through this smoke filled haze
I want to remember because I know with you the sex is always good
i'll lie back and let the night flood back because I think I'm walking a tightrope but have no idea why
but shit I need a cigarette to do that
i'll passive smoke instead for now
you always arrive so well manicured and leave like you've had a helluva lot of loving
hot damn i love that dishevelled look you have after sex
god knows what you see in me you could have so many others that dangle around your feet
you smell like a full rich red and feel like the skin of a ripe cherry
oh I love picking your cherries
Ha and those gloves you left behind give no trace of the hunger and passion that boils beneath your mask
sometimes i think i'm truly in love
In a list
A contest entry
- empty pack of cigarettes drizzle on the window & the pair of gloves you left behind by Rembrandt Clarke.
875 points, ended November 24, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I came back for another read.
I'm sorry, I dont think the host of this contest really got any of it.
Too bad, this really is a masterpiece, and I'm glad you wrote it just like this.
and beside, fuck em if they cant take a joke, right?
Love it.
love it love it.
and you get another comment, Im listing this baby.
Jin -
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Well thanks so much. I had the same thoughts. But oh well. I wrote as I was asked to do, just thoughts that tumble out when you write this way.
Thanks so much for the encouragement
Katz xx
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thanks for entering my contest.
i don't really know what to say about this, its a little too overt for its own good, and if you are being like this, i think you need to make better use of language otherwise it can come out just looking a little cliched... -
This was slightly different to what I was expecting, very well written. Best to you in the contest
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This was a wonderful write here and you used the prompt very well! Good luck in the contest hon
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you always arrive so well manicured and leave like you've had a helluva lot of loving
hot damn i love that dishevelled look you have after sex
god knows what you see in me you could have so many otheres that dangle around your feet
you smell like a full rich red and feel like the skin of a ripe cherry
oh I love picking your cherries
sometimes i think i'm truly in love
Im loving loving loving this write. I love the way you patterned the thoughts coming out of your head, and how there's the taste of personal dislike, and love. . .all rolled into one.
That last line is perfect for this write as a closer, and it leaves a smile of knowing EXACTLY where you were in your thoughts, when you wrote this.
EXCELLENT read, I loved it, and Im soooooo glad I added you to my favorites list.
I wish you all the best in this contest love,
Much love,
Jin
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