I am a victim of curiosity.
Does anyone even want me?
Why would they?
I'll never amount to shit.
You wonder where these cuts come from?
There's many mirrors in this house.
I can't stand what I see in them either.
I remember that sick inexplicable feeling.
"I don't know. Something just doesn't feel right."
Passed between those who say they love me.
Well, what the fuck is love supposed to mean to me?
I still can't figure that one out.
You could never stop to think just how much you were hurting me.
Even now you're in denial.
And it feels like my life is a series of false hopes.
All I needed was someone to want me.
All I wanted was someone to need me.
Somewhere I belong.
Somewhere to hide.
Something to make me feel like I have a purpose.
But I don't.
I don't.
None.
I try to pretend things are real.
I'm almost 22 and I'm still trying to play make believe.
Pretending I belong.
Make-believe like I'm needed.
But it's not working anymore.
I failed.
Again.
It's always felt like happiness was "setting my goals too high."
Just beyond my fingertips.
And I'm moving away.
Further and further.
Now I have a wife.
Every morning I wake up, I shed a tear.
Realising yet another mistake.
I never wanted to hurt anyone.
I only needed to be wanted.
But I went the wrong way.
And I'm sincerely sorry.
But she was never the one.
As if there ever could be.
And now I just need to be alone.
I don't even know who I am.
Let alone give a fuck who anyone else is.
I'm not even sure what that means.
But that's what they say.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Speechless!
I actually read this piece early yesterday but it left me completely speechless! Two days later I decided to comment. I still am not so sure what I should or shouldn't say. But I completely disagree with you in so so many ways! I think we all go through a stage in our lives where we question ourselves and feel quit lost. We all make mistakes and you have hurt people along your path, but I did too. I was angry and I pushed anyone I could grasp as far away as I could when really I just needed someone to cherish me. I felt so trapped and alone as a little girl but as an adult I realize now that they too made mistakes and while it still hurts, I know they love me and I've come to terms with those mistakes. I have to add too that even if you feel like you made a mistake in your wife, sometimes that happens and I think if you explain to her your mistake you'll have a lot less guilt on your plate. You should know that I have complete faith that when you realize who you truly are and that right person comes along everything in your life will be ok. You are the most passionate person and have every ability of making yourself happy as well as who ever you choose to be a part of your life.
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