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This mouth that smiles with lips turned down






Pierrot in vain holds dignity
  About him clockwise, fold on fold,
As Columbine smiles prettily;

In his grey mask of tragedy,
  Adorned with grease-paint, as of old,
Pierrot in vain holds dignity.

What use to bargain wearily,
  With rouge against a doom foretold,
As Columbine smiles prettily?

Though quipping jests incessantly,
  His mouth set in a mournful mold,
Pierrot in vain holds dignity.

His heart-strings twitch; and timidly
  His spent hand waxes overbold
As Columbine smiles prettily.

Her laughter, pealing silverly,
  Leaves Harlequin threadbare and cold:
Pierrot in vain holds dignity
As Columbine smiles prettily








.

Author notes

if you want me to change that indent, i will.
my first shot at any kind of writing like this in a full poem.
i am a virgin villanelle (ist)

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 16 of 16

  • masterblaster gold member
    November 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Hi, this is wonderful wish I had had this idea, kind regards Di


  • just mercedes gold member
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the trophy! This is a good villanelle, and for your first attempt you can be proud of this achievement.

    The voice is more restrained than usual, and there is a sad dignity to the age-old story. Very well done!


  • Victory Gin silver member
    November 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This had to be one of the more intriguing entries in the contest and I was very excited that the person who wrote this is a Villanelle Virgin. The author of this piece must have incredible talent; aside from the metrical problem in the second refrain where "Columbine smiles" sticks, the poem is very, very good with incredible poetic content. I felt like I was front stage in some backyard Bohemian Theater and held in thrall the whole time. I'm not sure how you would fix the problem in the refrain considering its sense is critical but it might be worth the effort to try. Outstanding poetry.

  • Virginia Logsdon
    November 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful poetry!


  • MargaretG
    November 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    It's not an easy thing to do, to tell a story when those same lines keep recurring, but you handled it very well. The rhymes you chose have enough variants that you could pick the best. Cheers!


  • Luna Tique Fringe
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    well done heidi..i've only written one villanelle..now i call them villanhelles.. love it thoroughly


  • just rob gold member
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Well done

    especially for a first. These are anything but easy, and you rose quite well to the big challenge.


  • Nicolette gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is lovely. I have never written a villanelle myself but although i write mostly free verse I simply adore this poetry form. I think it will work better without the indent, but that is just my humble opinion!



    ~ Nicolette

  • Rowan gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well you lost your virginity with grace and dignity, that's for damn sure. Beautifully done. So original
    and it flowed perfectly. I loved it.


  • Ken-Maverick
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hahahahahahaha
    You popped your own cherry

    Excellent write as always

    Good luck in the contest Heidi

    Ken


  • NurseChilly gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i think this is so fitting right now for you and for your friend who passed. it expresses the sadness and the way we smile with dignity and quietude!
    it's a bloody good villanelle darlin' girl...


  • Cannonsfire
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I think you broke the virginal mold well and truly, not that i am an expert but it read very well to me


  • Randomly Beautiful
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I like it, yes, I do.


  • tara wilson gold member
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    aww...perfect title for this....for Pierrot imagery & feeling...

    i just read the story of them...this is excellent, Heidi! i'm not really knowledgeable on villanelles, but enjoyed reading this a lot


  • IronIcecream
    November 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    look at what happened
    in the old medieval tower-clock
    virgin villanelle-ist got her cherry
    popped
    by hammering marionettes


  • nancy drew
    November 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    i like it

1 - 16 of 16