My world has ended.
I can feel the blood pump through my veins.
I can hear my thoughts wishing it would stop.
Everything else a blur.
I can see my razor.
Nothing else.
I remember only that he picked her.
He didn't want me.
I am ugly, fat, and unloved.
I don't deserve to live.
A contest entry
- Big Emotion... by Walking Oxymoron.
550 points, ended November 22, 2008, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Well, I cried while I wrote this. What do you think?
Comments
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If you cried, I'm assuming the pain is real.
If it's real, I can assure you that you deserve to live as much as anyone. And him picking someone else over you does not make you fat or unattractive. It just means that he doesn't realize what he's missing out on.
It's an excellent write- real emotion indeed. -
Wow...pretty bitter. Just a question: if everything is a blur but the blood pumping through your veins, how do you see your razor? It's just the order of the sentences makes it sound unclear. Maybe if you moved "everything else a blur" after "nothing else", that would clear it up some.
Lots of emotion. Makes me want to hurt someone (else). -
deeply moving,
"i remember only that he picked her" - thought this was a really moving line and can imagine this thought going around and around in someones head
i hope you find the one who picks you,
who makes you feel beautiful and loved - there is someone for everyone, especially those who can write such sadness!
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It's depressing. It reflects what most people think of at least once in their lives. Good job
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