Our first stage we meet so shy of one another
afraid of hurting one another feelings
When you stepped in a room uncannily, I know you where their
More time we spent, the tighter our bond became it grew
When we least expected it filled our hearts with so much love
Then we married with all the up and downs of a married couple
Laughing at our foolish arguments over nothing, expect the passion and fury to make up
We were so close to our fifth year, our hands held ever time we could
Laughing,living and loving learning to grow more in love each day
Then that fatal day, a call that you were ill
When I arrived at the Hospital you were all ready gone
I wish I could of stuff your spirit in me
Even then I knew how much I would truly miss you
My first true love did not come in the embrace of youth
In my middle part of my life
Now I have aged a little more snow on the peak
My youth had fled by me in such a hurry
All I can say is please wait for me
For my love shared has not dim nor dry away
I wish I could feel your hug on me
I miss my arm around your warm body
When I lay by your grave I pretend you are there
We are taking about our life
When I leave it all alone, I want you to be with me
This is not possible
Deep in my heart I know death and love still live
Some times it hard being with out you
A
Comments
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Such a sad story. It is wonderful to share in such love. How tragic to loose it once it has been found. Some gifts are for a short time. Others are for a lifetime.
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So sad
You have created a beautiful piece of poetry here. It tells the story of a life...golden pillows and stones. I can feel your longing and wish I had a magic wand. Bless your sweet heart, this is just gorgeous.
Some poetry is more powerful than any imagined mistakes or flaws. This left me weeping.
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I hope you don't mind me giving my full thoughts on this piece, which happen to include improvements first and foremost: "Our first stage we meet so shy...another feelings" You have the one another repetition that takes away from the impact. The statement could work in either line, not both.
The 'their' on the end of the third line should be: there.
A comma should be placed after 'became' in line four. Also, after 'it' in the fifth line....and I think 'full' should be 'filled.'
The repetition of married is unneeded. Expect should be 'expecting'...
A comma after loving.
I know you were taking a poetic license but 'could of' should be 'could have.'
The line: All I can please wait for me - reads rather awkwardly..
'We are taking about our life" should be 'talking'.
Last line: "Some times it hard being without you..." 'Sometimes' should be one word and 'it' should be "it's"
Other than those errors, I feel the overall feel of the piece was well articulated, and I loved the imagery that was presented. Obviously it fit the title very well. I thank you for this entry and wish you the best of luck.
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