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Haiku-Arctic

White fur fringed eyes gleam
black coals on a frozen hill-
Ten yards to safe cage

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • rbruce gold member
    January 18, 2009
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    i love it. Metaphor or not, it's clear yet complex in meaning, and a beautiful poem.


  • Titus gold member
    November 30, 2008

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    I was wondering if polar bear should have been mentioned, haiku is to a metaphor to which the object should be hidden. This could be also about the melting ice situation with regards to global warming.


    • Mary O gold member
      November 30, 2008
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      Thank you so much for your comment. Not a Haiku expert and in need of all the help I can get. Since recent scientist have put global warming on hold, or they say it's been postponed, do to a switch toward the new cooling trend, I think my timing off in this way. I'll give this some thought. Shucks! On another thought maybe we should jump on the cooling trend and make money...hum-m-m... maybe sell fresh food instead of frozen? Just funin'.
      Seriously, thanks. I'll work on it,
      ~Mary O


  • Sashaness
    November 16, 2008

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    I'm not sure if you meant this to be a metephore or not, but I see it as one, and I love it. I really do. First Haiku poem I have ever really liked and understood. Well done it's written beautifully, and I'm quite jealous that your able to write like this. Good luck in the contest.

1 - 5 of 5