Be still,
so I can hear
reassuring rattle
of your bones
I ingested play out
a timeless beat
on my insides
say not a word
as my mind plays our song
and colors dance before your hypnotic gaze
from the grave I buried us in
so long ago. . .
I will stand upon the place you take your final rest,
and I'll imagine lying next to you, diagnosed with
hyperphagia,
an uncanny ability to take your bones and stuff them
inside me, until I can feel them rattling and cutting every
pink, dazzed organ until they turn red and blue and gold
with my love.
- twelve steps til my bones turn gold
Adsaige
Author notes
will work on this tonight, I promise.
A contest entry
- twelve steps until by adsaige.
400 points, ended November 29, 2008, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
yes, but what do you think?
Comments
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I like the idea of this and I like the flow
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Love in the aspect of devouring, to fully encompass - powerful stuff!
I wonder if you could lose 'your' in the 4th line. Something about the syntax there bothers me...maybe
...of ingested bones
as they play out...
Great start, from a very strong prompt - you'll get there!
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Quite dark and a view from a different spectrum my love! I can't wait to read the rest.
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Wow I had to look up hyperphagia. Eating a persons bones huh? never thought of that one.. interesting poem. I like it!
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