Lonely is a color --
darkness makes
more apparent than sunlight.
Rain may make the flowers bloom,
hide my tears when it hits my face
but, it feeds the river of lonely
and that is more than I can take.
Nothing goes on forever --
for, it has no place to go.
Fill the room with laughter
on a cold winter night; stir
the coals in the fire place
‘til the wood is burning bright;
remind me when I went
home for winter and knew
everything would be all right.
Now, when the fires are burning,
it is only passion to fill the night.
When the sun rises, I can see
the lies and desperation
all too clearly in the light.
Lord, save me from those
who would save me --
I’m not here to be rescued
or cured. I wouldn’t mind
a vacation at a beach
on a tropical isle. Some place
where women are willing
to help me learn to smile.
Maybe, then when I get back
to living, it will be more
than survival, a job and a face book file.
Author notes
Started with a line, I sha'n't say which one. The rest kind of came together to fit what had already begun.
Please tell me what you think, what it makes you feel, how you are moved.
Comments
1 - 48 of 48
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brilliant once again Tomis..
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Glad you enjoyed my country music tinged piece of poetry. It was fun to write. May the season bless you with much joy.
Love, Tom B.
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Your use of imagery goes a long way to making the reader picture what it is that you are trying to describe, without being too specific. The only criticism that I have of this one is the punctuation. It is so random at times that it breaks the flow of the piece, thereby making it a bit more difficult to read. A good poem should roll of the tongue.
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Now, to be honest, punctuation is not my forte. I didn't really learn how to use it at all till I was thirty and back in college for a MS. I know I am far from perfect but, I also know I am not that bad. I accept the criticism but, there will be no improvement because I don't know any other way.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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Sad, but honest
Hey, I thought it was great.
It felt sad, but honest(for lack of a more fitting word). For me, the lines
"Nothing goes on forever --
for, it has no place to go." kinda made it what it was, and I think it kinda shaped how I saw the rest of the poem.
You get up in a good spot, but you know that you're always going to come down again, sometime.
This can be applied in the opposite way, saying that sadness won't last forever either, but "what's the point?"
Thats pretty much the idea or message that this poem gave me.
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Life is a lot like surfing and every wave has and end. Ride it the best you can and then paddle back out to wait for the next one to come again.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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sad and wonderful
Sad and wonderful poem.
You capture loneliness so well in your first verse and I can relate to it only too well.
Warm wishes to you,
Isabella
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Thanks. I guess I have been writing the blues lately. Maybe it is the job, the money and the times. I write to often and the words are a reflection of a state of mind.
Peace & light
Tom B.
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Rain may make the flowers bloom,
hide my tears when it hits my face
but, it feeds the river of lonely
and that is more than I can take.
Lord, save me from those
who would save me --
I’m not here to be rescued
or cured.
This prompt hit me at the appropriate time I guess. What I know is that there are times I believe I make a difference to those around me, and times when I don't. I had a thing in my head about the word SAVE for about a month. The idea that we can save each other is comforting on the surface, but underneath, it gives me great pause.
I think you've done a fantastic job with this prompt, and I look carefully and didn't see the line, so I'm grateful to you even more.
Love always,
Jin
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You say in your review of "One dollar away from bankrupt" that you didn't see the line. I look at the contest and I can't tell what line you are talking about.
So clue me in, will you? Not complaining, just curious as hell. 
Love, Tom B. -
Thanks for enjoying this. It was fun to write. Closest I will ever get to C & W
Love,
Tom B.
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It was very pretty. I'm not sure what else to say.
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Thanks for stopping by and reading the piece. There is little more I could ask.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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I was pulled in and then pulled back to "Lonely is a color darkness makes", so for me, that is the power point of the piece. The rest goes on to contrast times of brightness (either experienced or hoped for) and those of pitch (survival, superficial love).
Then, your words juxtapose the two giving depth and security to black ( when I went home for winter and knew everything would be all right) and deceit to light ( the sun rises, I can see
the lies and desperation). Nice interplay that refracts with meaning. Blue
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There is a certain tongue 'n' cheek quality to this piece. I was being playful and that has a lot to do with the play against light and dark. It is first emphasized with the water image. Sometimes I just can't help myself.
Thanks for dropping by. Your reveiws are always a gift.
Love,
Tom B.
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Love it. It's very descriptive and beautifully written.The last line is pure genius.
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Thanks for sharing your joy. For joy shared: is truly joy multiplied.
Peace & LIght,
Tom B.
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"Nothing goes on forever.
For, it has no place to go."
^^Awesome lines.
"Reminds me when I went
home for winter and knew"
The "s" in reminds feels awkward. Maybe you could make it a command by removing it and retain your rhythm.
Ha. I love the ending, I think it's your strongest lines beside the ones I mentioned above. Honestly, I feel like this poem could be much more powerful if you solidified your punctuation. I also feel that you could use more punctuation and a greater variation of it, a.k.a not so many periods or intersperse commas, semi-colons, ellipses, and dashes in there. I love dashes.
But, all around, I enjoyed it.
Good luck!!
Kelsey-Jo
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I didn't learn to punctuate until I was thirty. It is in its finer points a total mystery to me. I admire those who can be artists with it.
Glad you enjoyed the poem and thanks for the editing.
Love,
Tom B. -
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Ahh,
Fair enough! It's a tough thing to pick up later like that.
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Poet
Great write in sad times. Failure of our government to protect the hard workers. Redistribution wow. But it seems the media succeded and those that allowed themselves a self fitted straight jacket of moral rectitude have been suckerd by the very liberal media.
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Asimov said we do not get the government we want. We recieve the one we deserve. To many people think they are the exception that proves the rule and the law was written for bad people and they are not bad, besides we should make and exception in their case. Right or Left, rich or poor, when you look around there are too many assholes like this to go around.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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sorry, I,m not....
...qualified to critique this piece as I hate free verse with a passion, so will award you 3 claps as recompense for my clicking.
Regards,
Robin.
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Sorry to hear that. You should check out Wallace Stevens, Walt Whitman, Pablo Neruda just to begin with to see what is possible. Just as there are odes, sonnets, etc in rhyme and metered poetry, there are many styles of free verse.
This poem that you just skipped was almost a song lyric. Oh well, your loss.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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This really touched me...It had so many undertones attached to it. I think it fit so many moods of the reader and had a message for the many different feelings we experience. I just loved it..
Thank you for sharing.. I have been trying to catch up on my reading and this was so worth the time..
Love
Soulful Woman
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My dark poems always have hope so I guess insted of dark, I will have to call them dusk. I know that lonely is a state of mine and alone is a state of being. I enjoy myself enough to never let go of my time with myself since it allows me to enjoy others twice as well. Thanks for sharing your joy with my piece.
Love, Tom B.
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This poem is too true for everyone. Honestly, I loved the poem, your writing was great and I have been there. I remember feeling totally out of the loop when my little brother had an FB account and I had never even heard of it. Lol. Great Write. hope things get better for you!
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Some time ago I learned that lonely was a state of mind and had nothing to do with being alone. Learned to enjoy my own company and that the world is not personal except that I make it so. Been enjoying living ever since.
Love,
Tom B.
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Isn't it ironic how loneliness seems to fill our whole world when we suffer from it and doesn't exist in the universe when we are with a like minded spirit? Brilliant poem
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This is one of those serendipitous poems that showed up because I liked the prompt and I came up with the line about nothing while playing cribbage with my wife. It was one of the turning points in my process of maturing when I learned that lonliness had nothing to do with being alone.
Peace & Light,
Tom B.
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I have stood in a crowded room and felt alone but loneliness escapes me. Even when I so desire to be all by myself, a key turns in the door, the phone rings, or a car pulls, uninvited into my driveway...
Sometimes I imagine I have my own apartment and nobody gets in for a week or at least until after I have cleaned it to the bone, made it humble yet whole, and mine, all mine.
"Lord, save me from those
who would save me.
I’m not here to be rescued
or cured."
I know this to be true!
I love this take on the prompt dear man. I wish you well in the challenge.
Much Love Always ♥
Renee
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I love to hear from someone who understands that lonliness is self-created. You are so right about the importance of time to yourself. The lines you quoted are part of my personal quips. Long ago, I got tired of those who tried to sell me their beliefs so they could add a notch to their belt. Thanks for enjoying it and sharing that with me. z
Love, Tom B.
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sometimes when a new day dawns we see things so much more clearly. I felt this had lonely undertones while reading. It made me think of my sister who has struggled through illness in silence so as not to worry the rest of us. She isnt just a survivor, she is proof to live life to the fullest.
Thank you Tom for sharing your thoughts
Love
Juls
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I don't know if I could write something didn't have hope leak into it, this is about the conflict of "lonely." We are all alone, but we choose wether we are lonely. I used a C&W setting and style because I felt it fit the topic and my sense of humor. What happens when you play a C&W song backwards?
The singer gets his dog, his gun and his truck back.
Love, Tom B.
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Stunning Write
Completely and totally awesome write...I got a sense of a man wanting real love...it was sad, and vividly spoken. You amazed me with how it balanced, rhymed....the read was powerful, and I could feel the darkness come thought...to remind me this is real life for so many men & women....excellent Tom........novy
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We create the life we lead by how much we believe that what we want is impossible to achieve. Glad you enjoyed my effort at catching this perspective with a country air. Thanks.
Love,
Tom B.
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survial is what seems to matter most. as days go on, and are dreams dwindle. is there really a light at the end of tunnels?
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Survival doesn't allow for possibilty. LIving allows for choice. It is why I practice saying thankyou for everything I can think of. I allows me to see choices where before I felt I was in a tunnel of hopelessness. Honest.
Love, Tom B.
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This did feel a lot of loneliness and I like how you kept refering back to it. This poem reminded me of my dad - he and my mom are going through a divorce and while I know he's having a tough time in every aspect I know he won't ask for help or do anything other than try to keep things as normal as possible.
Very thought provoking write it made me smile a bit
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I hope you could hear the country twang. I am glad I caught the lonely. Most people hide the feeling from everyone else while it eats away at their serenity and they get depressed. If the poem is dark, and I am never sure what dark is, then I hope I caught it without playing to it. It is funny how feelings we don't like are forever and the good ones too short.
Love, Tom B.
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Nothing goes on forever.
For, it has no place to go.
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That was the start of it all.
Love, Tom B.
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A friend was in a very wry mood one evening and asked me if I knew what happens when you play a record backward. Since he was adept at maintaining a pokerface, I figured he was setting me up.
"You nut!" I laughed, "You can NOT play a record backwards!" Since he was something of a technical genius and owned a recording studio, I nearly second guessed myself. Then he said, "Sure you can....you get your wife back, your car back, and your dog back!" He never once cracked a smile.
I was sure of one thing; it would be a cold day in the hot south before that happened to him. He had no intention of ever getting married!
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I love that joke about country music. I couldn't resist responding to the contest's prompt. Was playing cribbage with my wife when the phrase about nothing being forever popped into my mind. It was like you always find what you are looking for in the last place you look. 'Cause once you find it you stop looking. I am not now or ever plan to be a sad and depressed person. I went through enough of that during adolescence and when my mother was dieing of cancer. It accomplishes nothing and makes life a bad place to be. I would rather make jokes, give thanks and find ways to leave smiles on other people's hearts.
Love,
Tom B.
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love...Tomb
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We are alone. No one can live our lives for us. Many translate this into lonely and define it as misery and sufferings course. I am, admitedly playing with this.
What am I looking for? A greater ability to be. More presence in the moment so I am deeply partnered with my God. As a parent, able to do the best by my son.
This is another one of my wry innuendo driven sense of humor poems, where I don't expect anyone to get all of it. I have learned through many hard and near death places in life to keep the chin up, find something to laugh at and find a way to give thanks so you keep all your options open. God will provide, but he usually demands you learn a lesson in the process
Love,
Tom B.
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Ah...now I am on the right page and not jettisoned to the posting page I can catch the C&W strains...one dollar away from being bankrupt by the barnacles of ships that pass as thoughts in the fright and feisty...the mean well...the lips that sell and tell...smiled at lord save me from those that wish to save me...sometimes instead they enslave...with their versions of this way is right or you're booked onto a different thought of flight...smiles too at living being more than survival and face book file...a place in cyberspace where commercialism meets the need to put a face to the conversational tones that are sometimes confessional...as opposed to poetic or professional...seems like you're comfortably zipped inside your own skin...whatever...however..whoever...tries to show you a new fashion...you got your own style whatever the clock face says...
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We are alone. Doesn't mean we're lonely. Unfortunately, many can't live with the self and until they do they buy into games of avoidance and approval to make up for their own discomfort.
Thanks for stopping by and catching on quickly to my wry play with the genre.
Love, Tom B.
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