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The Whiskey Tasted Better When You Sighed

I lock myself in my room
I won't come out
Until you pass out
________

I was all of twenty
You were twenty-two
The whiskey tasted better
When you kissed me
________

I steal your poison
It's how I get through the night
You'll kill me if I leave
You'll kill me if I stay
________

You were twenty-two
And the whiskey
tasted better when you sighed





Author notes

Basically, the woman in the poem is being abused. She won't leave, so to deal with it, she's become an alchoholic herself. Hence, 'The whiskey tasted better when you sighed.'
I'll probably mess with it some more before the contest is over.

A contest entry

I'm not gonna bite you if you don't like it. BE HONEST.

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Glasyalabolas
    December 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is the second abuse poem of this nature in this contest, but this one takes another perspective (in this one, the woman stays). It shows the harshness of the situation, the pain and the confusion of why she lets it continue and what she does just to cope. Very strongly visualised and put across.

    Good write.


  • written-in-ink
    November 29, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    i like it very much i think it is great


    hahah
    i mena not the subject
    but i think you did a good job
    =]]


  • she still smiles x gold member
    November 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Whoaaa.

    First off, loved the title you were given You also, again, managed to capture the emotion quite perfectly in this piece and incorporate the title in here amazingly.

    *The whiskey tasted better
    When you kissed me *
    Loved those two lines. So much truth behind those words, I'm sure many women, unfortunately, can relate to this piece.

    You are a fantastic writer! Please keep penning Best of luck in that contest you wrote for<3


  • T-Dizzle Mcnizzle
    November 18, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Honestly i liked it, but if u want u can still bite me. Ha ha.

  • Glasyalabolas
    November 16, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Thank you.

    Title Prompt No.10 is: "The Whiskey Tasted Better When You Sighed"

    Could you please send me your user name so I can mark your number as taken on the list please?

    Many thanks.

1 - 5 of 5